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Boxing Out, Man
Season 1, Episode S1E1
Boxing Out, Man!
Release date June 29, 2012
Written by Scroopfan and MSM
Directed by Scroopfan
Episode guide
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Boxing Out, Man! is the pilot episode of the SpongeBob and Friends Chronicles series. In it, Icky makes a $20,000 loan with fire ant Queen Grinder IX to pay for lottery tickets, but forgets to pay it. As a result, the Queen orders Icky to pay the loan within 48 hours, or her army would infest the Dragon Temple, and sting everyone inside it. Icky tries to keep this between him, Fidget, and Iago, and find a way to obtain the money. After many attempts, Icky feels like giving up until he comes upon a wrestling competition with the prize money being exactly $20,000. When Lord Shen returns after taking Kairi on an all-paid cruise for her birthday, Icky and the others decide to sign him up for the competition, and get the money. Shen would fight many challengers including Jiku the Fossil. When he wins, Icky finally gets the cash prize and pays the debt.... Provided his own half-stupidity doesn't end up ruining it.

PTE Redux Conditions: Title Changes to "Wrestling With Your Troubles". Also more opponents will be displayed.

Fan-made Transcript

Chapter 1- Kairi's Birthday Party

  • Lord Shen- Hurry up, everyone! We need to get this place set up before Kairi and Sora get back. Gosh, I still can't believe she's finally 18.
  • SpongeBob: Yeah,...(sobs) She grew up so fast!
  • Patrick: Uh, SpongeBob? What are we doing again? I've lost track.
  • SpongeBob: Why, we're decorating the place for Kairi's 18th birthday party.
  • Patrick: Oh, that's right! Wait a minute, she's 18?
  • Mr. Whiskers- What's a birthday?
  • Brandy- A BIRTHDAY! You know, comes once a year, cake, candles, lots of presents?
  • Mr. Whiskers- Happy songs?
  • Brandy-Uh-huh!
  • Mr. Whiskers- Big fat guy in a red suit?
  • Brandy- That's Christmas!
  • Mr. Whiskers- OH, NO! CHRISTMAS IS COMING?!? OH, AND I HAVEN'T MADE A LIST YET!
  • March Hare- Hatter? Is this some kind of Unbirthday Party, except it's more special?
  • Mad Hatter- Of course not, silly! It's just a birthday party. Besides, both are equally special, you should know that.
  • March Hare- Oh, I do! Remember your last birthday?
  • Mad Hatter- Yeah! That was a very fun time! I still can't forget my 300th birthday.
  • March Hare- I believe you meant 100th birthday, my friend.
  • Mad Hatter- Nope, it was my 300th birthday for sure. (March Hare whacks Hatter's head with mallet, and Hatter's head gets stuck in his hat) Hey, you're right! It WAS my 100th birthday.
  • Lord Shen- So, did everyone get Kairi some gifts?
  • SpongeBob- We sure did! I got her a Remembrall.
  • Lord Shen- A Remembrall? How did you get that?
  • SpongeBob- Why, some wizard guy from the JK Rowling System of the Warner Bros Universe sold it to me for $30. Kairi once told me she'd like one of those.
  • Lord Shen- Okay, then. Anyone else?
  • Mr. Krabs- Well, Squidward didn't get a bike like he promised, so he's being punished. He doesn't get to join the party until he gets one for her.

Wal-Mart

  • Squidward- How much is it to buy a bike?
  • Cashier- $400.
  • Squidward- Fishpaste, Mr. Krabs is gonna kill me!

Temple

  • Skipper- We got her a Playstation 2, and the entire Kingdom Hearts Trilogy.
  • Iago- It wasn't easy, but I managed to get her an iPhone.
  • Dr. Cockroach- I named a star after her.
  • Icky- I got her her favorite movies: The Princess Bride, The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, Brother Bear, The Rescuers, Oliver and Company, and Fantasia.
  • Lord Shen- Well, I got her something better. I'm going to take her on a cruise and even bring her to the remains of Radient Garden. I'll even bring Sora, Goofy, and Donald with me in case the ruins are infested with Heartless.
  • White Rabbit- Yipe! She's coming!
  • Lord Shen- Uh-oh! Everyone in position! (Everyone gets in position while Fidget shuts the lights off)
  • Bill- Is she here yet?
  • Everyone- SSSH!
  • March Hare- (Whispering) Here she comes...
  • Kairi- (After she and Sora get inside) What? Why is it so dark in here? (Turns on light)
  • Everyone- SURPRISE!
  • Kairi- Wow! I didn't expect this to happen. Thanks.
  • Lord Shen- Well, it's your 18th birthday, Kairi. You didn't thnk we'd forget, did you?
  • Kairi- No way! Thanks, Uncle Shen.

Two hours later...

  • Kairi- An iPhone? Awesome! You guys are the best!
  • Lord Shen- Well, We'd save the best for last. I got you an all-paid cruise to the old ruins of Radient Garden.
  • Kairi- (Gasps) Aw, Uncle Shen! (Hugs Lord Shen)
  • SpongeBob- That's just beautiful! (Sobs)
  • Sandy- You said it!
  • Kairi- How'd you afford it, Uncle Shen?
  • Lord Shen- Well, I saved up enough money for it by helping repair the damages I did in Gongmen City. We'll be leaving tomorrow morning. Happy birthday, Kairi!

Chapter 2- Icky's Deal

  • Lord Shen- Goodbye, everyone! We'll be back in a week. Take care. (Gets on boat)
  • Iago- Well, what should we do now?
  • Icky- Well, I don't know about you, but I'm gonna buy some lottery tickets. I promised my cousin, Tzzy, I'd be at his poker game.
  • Sam- Well, good luck with that, Icky.

That Saturday Afternoon...

  • Icky- Excuse me? How much is it to afford some lottery tickets?
  • Guy at the Stand- $20,010.
  • Icky- Oh my, God, when did that happen? Yesterday it was $10!
  • Guy at the Stand- Sorry, but since gambling has been outlawed in many universes, we had to find a new way to sell these tickets without the police finding out.
  • Icky- So you raised the prices by $20,000?!? I have only $10!
  • Guy at the Stand- Look, gambling is a very expensive thing to do. Besides, if it was still $10, we'd be bankrupt in less than 2 days.
  • Icky- Darn this darn government! Well, there's only one person I know who has the money I need to afford some lottery tickets!

One journey to an ant colony later...

  • Queen Grinder IX- C'mon you termites, put some back into it!
  • Worker- We're doing the best we can, your highness!
  • Grinder- Well, if you ask me, you look like you got run over by a tractor, and crushed by a cynder block, and beaten up by a rhino beetle. You'd better step up your game before I wallop you like a dummy! (Ploomp sound, baby crying) GUYS, I'VE GIVEN BIRTH AGAIN! (Soldier ants pick up larva) Ugh, all day, I've gotta give birth to bazillion larvae a year! I don't think my ovaries can take it!
  • Soldier- With all do respect, your highness, it's natural that you're always pregnant. You're a fire ant, and we need more and more workers and soldiers since most of our recruits are getting their nuts squished by human feet.
  • Grinder- Yes, I know! You said that thrice already! (PLOOMP, baby crying) ANOTHER LARVA! (Soldiers pick up larva) Status report, General Weevil?
  • Weevil- Well, your highness, our underground city is peaceful, our tunnel routes are operational, and our entrance is heavily guarded.
  • Grinder- Splendid. (PLOOMP, baby crying) ANOTHER LARVA! (Soldiers pick up larva) Oh, I'm hungry, someone get me some nectar ASAP! (Soldier gets nectar for Grinder) Thanks! (Thumping) What the beep was that?
  • Weevil- It would seem we have another anteater attack!
  • Grinder- Well, what're you waiting for? Prepare your men for combat!
  • Icky- Your highness? Are you in there? I know you are because you spend most of you time down there. I need to talk to you about something.
  • Grinder- Oh, trash heap! It's only Icky! Everyone put me on my carriage. I need to speak to him. (PLOOMP, baby crying) And someone get the larva.
  • Icky- (Soldiers pull Grinder out of anthill) Your highness, i need your help.
  • Grinder- Make it quick, feathers! I've gotta spray our new recruits with stink verification spray.
  • Icky- EW! Is THAT what makes you ants smell like that?
  • Grinder- Of course. We need that smell to determine who is part of our colony or not. Now what do you want?
  • Icky- I was wondering if I could have a loan.
  • Grinder- A LOAN?!? Heck no, you're not having a loan! What would you want that for?
  • Icky- For lottery tickets.
  • Grinder- Well...I suppose so. Just sign this contract. (Soldiers show Icky a very tiny contract)
  • Icky-...Do you think I'm an idiot, your highness?
  • Grinder- Sorry, bring out the large one! (Loads of soldier ants bring Icky normal sized contract)
  • Icky- Thanks, your highness. (Signs contract) Now where's my money, sonny?
  • Grinder- Bring out the diamond! (Ants bring out diamond)
  • Icky- HOLY LONG NECKS! Where'd you find that?
  • Grinder- In a buried treasure chest. But it's only worth $20,000 since we used up the other $980,000 to pay off high electric bills. Now take it and go away.
  • Icky- I owe you one, your highness. (Leaves)

Chapter 3- The Poker Game

  • Tzzy- Hey, COUSIN! You finally made it!
  • Icky- I wouldn't miss it even for a date with, (romantically) (sighs) Gilda.
  • Tzzy- You mean that Griffin girl from the G4 Pony series?
  • Icky- Hey, I thought we were here to play cards, not to talk about girlfriends!
  • Tzzy- Oh yeah! I brought the gang over! You remember Elvis Priesley, Confusious, Abe Lincoln, and SUPERMAN!
  • Icky- Tzzy, those are not Abe Lincoln, Elvis, Confusious, or Superman! That's Roy and Soy the Ferturnal Siamese Rattlesnake twin brother and sister, Bruce and Hugh the Tasmanian Devils, and (shocked) Prince Scopo! The United Universes' best card-playing royal scorpion!
  • Scopo- One and the same, Ickerious.
  • Icky- DAMN IT, TZZY! I TOLD YOU NOT TO INVITE SCORPO, HE'S A FREAKIN' SHARK AT GAMES!
  • Tzzy- Silly Icky, he's not a shark or a lawyer, he's a scorpion.
  • Icky- (Slaps himself in the face in annoyance) I meant the guy always wins! Everytime he shows up, we end up losing loot.
  • Tzzy- I tried, but he gave me a cookie if I let him join the game.
  • Icky- A cookie? ARE YOU SERIOUS?!? A STUPID LITTLE COOKIE?!? What kind?
  • Tzzy- An Oreo, and for letting me in to the pleas, a Chips Ahoy!
  • Icky- Cousin, sometimes I wish you weren't so damn obessesive with cookies. No matter, I'm not gonna let princey beat me this time!

In the game.

  • Icky- Okay, Princey, cut the cards! (Scorpo did just that)
  • Soy- Roy, if you want, i'll sneak over to the other card players, and--
  • Roy- No, sister, we are playing this the honorable way.
  • Bruce- Get your own cards!
  • Hugh- No, YOU get YOUR own cards! (Bruce and Hugh fight)
  • Icky- Ok, Bruce and Hugh are out because they fought... AGAIN!
  • Bruce- (The fight stopped) Now look what you done, dumbass!
  • Hugh- Oh, shut up and pay the bird! (Bruce gives $500 to Icky)
  • Icky- This is gonna be a slam dunk!
  • Tzzy- We're playing basketball now?
  • Icky- (Slaps Tzzy) No, you moron! It was a simple figure of speech! (Soy peeks at Icky's cards) Roy and Soy are out for cheating.
  • Roy- SISTER!
  • Soy- (Shrugs) Damn it! Here's the family jewels, you icky bird! (Icky gets a lovely pile of rubies)
  • Icky- Jack and pot!
  • Scorpo- Shall we finally settle this, Ickerious?
  • Icky- Gladly! (Puts down his fold) Pair of 5s!
  • Scorpo- (Puts down his fold) Royal flush! (Icky drops his beak) Well, I guess i'll confiscate your winnings, and your lotto tickets.
  • Icky- D'OH, take them! They were all duds anyway!
  • Scorpo- Actually, you seemed to have missed one. And, (scratches the lotto) this one turned out to be the 900 dollar winner.
  • Icky- (Jaws drop, and aoogah sound is heard)
  • Scorpo- Well, as usual, I win again, Ickerious. Adios', sucker! (Scorpo makes annoying laugh as he and his servants leave with loot)
  • Icky- See what happens when you let a damn cookie do your thinking, Tzzy?
  • Tzzy- (asleep) Zzzzzzzz...Zzzzzzzzzz...Oh my God! It's raining cookies!...Zzzzzzz
  • Icky- CRUD MONKEYS!

Chapter 4- Icky's Debt

  • Icky- (Walking sadly in the street) Well, it can't get any worse. (Sees Temple infested with ants) What the heck? (Runs over to Temple)
  • Grinder- Weevil? Any sign of him?
  • Weevil- Not a single DNA sample.
  • Grinder- Well, I know we'll find him.
  • Icky- Find who? (Grinder turns around and sees Icky)
  • Grinder- SEIZE HIM! (Fire ants swarm around Icky)
  • Icky- What the hell is happening? Why are you doing this?
  • Grinder- Icky, didn't you read the contract you signed this morning?
  • Icky- Uh, no.
  • Grinder- Oh! (Scoffs) This guy doesn't even know what a loan is! (All fire ants laugh)
  • Icky- What are you talking about?
  • Grinder- I said 'you don't know what a loan is'. Well, I'll explain it, feathers! (PLOOMP, Baby crying) ANOTHER LARVA! (Soldiers pick up larva) A loan is when a borrower initially borrows an amount of money from the lender, and is obligated to repay an equal amount of money to the lender at a later time.
  • Icky- What?
  • Grinder- (Shrugs) YOU OWE ME $20,000, YOU DINGBAT!
  • Icky- You...you never said anything about paying YOU back. Besides, how am I supposed to come up with $20,000?
  • Grinder- You tell me, Ickerious! Because if I don't have that money in the next 48 hours, my army will be forced to infest your home, and sting everyone inside it.
  • Icky- Wait, fire ants have stingers?
  • Grinder- Duh! That's why we're called 'fire ants'! They contain venom with alkaloids that can blister and cause allergic reactions. (PLOOMP, baby crying) LARVA! (Soldiers pick up larva). So, feathers, I recommend that if you don't wanna be buried alive, or possibly blistered like all your friends, you should GIVE US OUR MONEY, SONNY! You understand?
  • Icky- Y-y-yes!
  • Grinder- That's all I need to hear. Okay, everyone, back to the anthill. Let's let Icky cry like the little baby he is. (PLOOMP, baby crying) Ugh, speaking of that!
  • Icky- B-b-b-b-b-b-b-BLISTERS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGH!

Later, at Iago's summer tree.

  • Iago- YOU DID WHAT?
  • Fidget- You heard him, he said fire ants-
  • Iago- I KNOW WHAT HE SAID! HOW COULD YOU NOT BE ABLE TO PAY THEM BACK!
  • Icky- I-I'm sorry, guys! I-I didn't read the whole contract, and--
  • Iago- Oh, splendid! You idiotically risked our health just to go gambling!
  • Icky- Guys, please, gimme a break! I really need your help. But you can't tell the others about this!
  • Iago- Well, what if we do?
  • Icky- I'll show them those pictures of you and Thundra making out in your room.
  • Iago- WHAT?!? YOU SAID THERE WAS NO FILM IN THAT CAMERA!
  • Icky- And I'll also show them pictures of Fidget sneaking in the cookie jar.
  • Fidget- WHAT?!? When did you take them?
  • Icky- That Wednesday night. No flash, works every time.
  • Fidget- But Icky, how are we supposed to obtain $20,000 within 2 days?
  • Icky- I don't know yet! We just need to think of a plan. Now think, who do we know who is very rich?
  • Iago- How about your 'Main-Man' Kuzco?
  • Icky- Sorry, i ain't accepting money from him until next month. He's out!
  • Iago- I got the Sultan.
  • Icky- Doesn't he technically distrust you because of Jafar?
  • Iago- We're cool now. I just helped Aladdin defeat Jafar the second time he tried to get revenge on him.
  • Icky- Well, okay, but I don't trust Aladdin to keep his mouth shut about this, the boy scout in rags!
  • Fidget- I know! There's Ratigan's fortune in his hideout that was never cleaned out.
  • Icky- That's STOLEN loot, genius! Besides, I read last week's paper. Basil helped the cops find that last week. Anyone else have any suggestions?
  • Iago- Shen's Alicorn Girlfriend Celestia, perhaps?
  • Icky- Too much of the nearest link to Shen and most likely honest as hell!
  • Fidget- How about we make up some money?
  • Icky- That's counterfeiting, and there's a good bet that's against the law.
  • Iago- Well, how about a second job?
  • Icky- Huh?
  • Iago- Eh, let me spell it out for you, Ick. Since the Lodge isn't exactly a "Job with Benifets" in terms to money since Ignightus is such a charity case, some of us got second jobs to get food on our table.
  • Fidget- Yeah! For example, i entertain kids as a party clown.

At some Kid's Birthday Party

  • Fidget- WHO WANTS A BALLOON ANIMAL? (Someone slaps him into the wall)
  • Child- NOW THAT'S FUNNY! (Children laugh)
  • Fidget- OW! That smarts!

Present

  • Iago- And I work at United Universes' Burger Boy! In fact, I'm Vice Assistant Manager.
  • Icky- Hey, I heard that place is at Top Dollar City! The people there make so much money, they say even minimum wage pay makes you like a small millionaire! Iago, old pal, Get...me...that...job!
  • Iago- Yeah, hiring is up to the Manager. I'm actually the Second in Command or so guy.
  • Icky- Well then, Fellas, TO BURGER BOYS! (POSES DRAMITICLY!)

Chapter 5- Search For $20,000

Burger Boy's

  • Manager- I'd be happy to hire you, Icky. If you need $20,000, then I sure can help you.
  • Icky- Oh, thank you, sir! I really need that money within 47 hours!
  • Manager- Well, you're in luck. You're standing in the richest hot spot in the UUniverses. They say that long ago, this universe had trees that grew money. Pretty weird if you ask me.
  • Icky- Okay, then! How much do I get an hour?
  • Manager- $1,000
  • Icky- Holy Hesperornis! At that rate, I'll get the money in less than 20 hours. That's not so bad! Please tell me I'm not dreaming!
  • Iago- You're not dreaming.
  • Icky- YAY, I'M NOT DREAMING!!!

8 hours later...

  • (Icky somehow gets fired, and he is forced to pay all $8,000 he's made up or go to prison for 5 years.)

Chapter 6- The Crazy Idea

Dragon Temple

  • Icky- Damn it! I was so close to paying my dues. What in the UUniverses gave them the right to take all the $8,000 i made up?
  • Iago- Well, Icky, the restauraunt was in the richest sector in the UUniverses. So their government is pretty unfair. I mean, I have heard stories that Burger Boys has been picked on for being "Too Generous" and finally decided that they should follow proper restauraunt protocol, starting by letting go those that ask too much! I still got my job, but only with the "Proper" mimimum wage of either a $1.00 or $3.00, give or take the occasional raise strictly on special occasions.
  • Icky- Well, I'm never going there again for a job. Maybe just a visit for drown my problems in "Burger Boys' trademark milkshake" but that's it. And we've got only 38 hours left. (Sighs) Let's face it, we're finished! We're finished like Daffy Duck was when he got mixed up with the ghost of J.P. Cubish!
  • Fidget- You've seen Daffy Duck's Quackbusters before?
  • Icky- Of course. But the point is we'll never get the money in time!... (Notices poster that says 'Wrestling Competition Tomorrow at 8:30 sharp.") Oh my, God!
  • Iago- What is it?
  • Icky- Look out there! "Wrestling Competition!" C'mon, we gotta take a closer look!

Outside...

  • Icky- (Grabs poster) "Wrestling Competition starting Tomorrow at the Stadium in the Antiqua System in the Disney Universe at 8:30 pm. If you've got what it takes to beat our world champions, then come on down and fight them. Whoever wins the competition wins a $20,000 cash prize." Guys, look! The prize money is exactly $20,000! If I can get someone in our Lodge to beat all those world champions, I'll win that money, and pay my debts! It's perfect!
  • Fidget- Icky, I don't think that's a good idea. You can't convince someone in our team to fight those champions just to get all that money for yourself, it just doesn't work like that.
  • Icky- What do you mean?
  • Iago- He means that you're planning to force someone to get you that money. And according to the rules of wrestling, the prize money belongs to the wrestler only, and not anyone else. You have no idea what the penalty is for something like that.
  • Icky- Iago, there's nothing else we can do about it. We have to do it, guys! We can't afford to have fire ants swarming the Temple. Now, are you with me or not?
  • Iago- Fine, we're in!
  • Icky- Awesome! Now, who do we know who is excellent at fighting, but can keep a secret?
  • Fidget- What about Po? He's a good fighter, and I know he can keep a secret. Remember when he got in trouble with that pig that sounded like Wallace Shawn?
  • Iago- You mean Taotie?
  • Fidget- Yeah, that guy!
  • Icky- Hmm, that's not a bad idea. Po really is a hush-hush guy. But wait, he's not exactly the brightest star in the galaxy.
  • Iago- Hmm, good point.
  • Icky- How about Savio? He's good at keeping secrets.
  • Fidget- Actually, even though he's a good fighter, I really doubt he can handle those rough champs. I mean, remember when the penguins used that Elephant on him?
  • Icky- You're right...Well, I guess there's only one fighter left that can keep secrets and won't end ratting on us and/or getting easily pummeled: Lord Shen.
  • Iago- Icky, he's still on that cruise with Kairi.
  • Icky- I know, but he'll be back tomorrow. So all we need to do is wait until he comes back, then sign him up. Are you with me?
  • Fidget- I am!
  • Iago- I am!
  • Icky- Good. Let's do it.

The next day, Sunday, 6:30 pm...

  • Kairi- That was amazing, Uncle Shen! I remember so much about my homeland now.
  • Lord Shen- It was an honor, birthday girl! (Kairi and Shen hug) Now let's go home.
  • Sora- Yeah, we need to see how our friends are doing.
  • Donald- You said it.
  • Goofy- Absolutely!

Dragon Temple

  • Lord Shen- We're back, everyone!
  • SpongeBob- Lord Shen, you're back!
  • Ignitus- Welcome back, Kairi. How was the trip?
  • Kairi- It was wonderful! I found my old house, and I found out a whole lot about my past.
  • Ignitus- Okay, Lord Shen, I need to tell you that Icky, Iago, and Fidget need to talk to you in private for some reason. They're in the briefing room, and they asked for complete privacy.
  • Lord Shen- Really? Well, what kind of secret thing could they have possibly done to make them come crying to me?

Briefing Room

  • Lord Shen- YOU MADE A LOAN TO A FIRE ANT QUEEN?!?
  • Icky- SSSSSH! Be quiet, Lord Shen! We don't want anyone to know about this.
  • Lord Shen- Well, I'm sorry, prehistoric one, but I'm going to have to tell everyone about this very serious situation.
  • Iago-...(Dubbed as Mason) Maybe a certain someone wouldn't want these exposed in the Temple. (Shows pictures of Lord Shen making out with Princess Celestia on Equestria)
  • Lord Shen- (Screams with aoogah sound) How the hell did you get these pictures?
  • Icky- Simple. No flash photography. Works every time.
  • Fidget- Icky, do you really think blackmailing can get you through everything? First you blackmail me and Iago, now you blackmail him? That's just wrong.
  • Icky- Shut up, Fidget! Look, Lord Shen, we need your help! We gotta get those $20,000 or else this Temple will be overrun by trillions of fire ants. Just like when the Pyramids were infested with those flesh-harvesting Scarab beetles in The Mummy.
  • Lord Shen- Well, how exactly do you plan to do it?
  • Icky- With this! (Shows Lord Shen Wrestling Competition poster)
  • Lord Shen:...So let me get this straight...you want me to fight in the wrestling competition for $20,000 just to pay off a loan?
  • Icky- Precisely!
  • Lord Shen- Well, count me out, buster! I'm not fighting those buff bullies.
  • Icky- Fine, refuse our offer! Just hope you have a backup plan should Kairi get blistered by fire ants, and get a serious allergic reaction, and possibly die. I mean, not a lot we know about her. We don't know how she reacts to fire-ant stings!
  • Lord Shen- FINE, I'll do it! How much time do we have?
  • Icky- 18 hours until The Queen invades.
  • Lord Shen- Okay, let's do it.

Chapter 7- The Wrestling Match

The Stadium

  • Announcer- WELCOME EVERYONE TO THE SMASH N' CRASH COMPETITION. TODAY WE HAVE MANY COMPETITORS TODAY, AND THE CROWD IS GOING WILD. I CAN HARDLY WAIT TO SEE SOME TOTAL BEATDOWN IN THIS STADIUM. OUR COMPETITORS ARE;
    • SNEEZEL THE WEASEL
    • TERROR FLEA
    • BOXY THE GORILLA
    • UNITED UNIVERSE GRAND CHAMP, QUEEN SNAKERA
    • JIKU THE FOSSIL
    • AND FINALLY, LORD SHEN!
  • 6 COMPETITORS, 1 CHAMPION! ALRIGHT, LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLLLLEEE!

First Round- Lord Shen vs. Sneezel the Weasel

  • Icky- Here's your first guy, a reknown pushover called Sneezel. The guy's a wuss, and under conditioned to actually fight due to his bad case of the sniffles. He won't be any trouble.
  • Announcer- LET THE FIGHT BEGIN! (Shen and Sneezel meet in the center, and Sneezel coughs and wheezes)
  • Shen- Why have you bothered to come and fight when you're obviously unwell, weasel?
  • Sneezel- You're right! Maybe I should just... Just... (Falls asleep, and falls to the ground)
  • Announcer- WOW WAS THAT ANTI CLIMATIC! THEN AGAIN, SNEEZEL DOES HAVE A LONG RECORD OF LOSING, MAYBE IT'S ABOUT TIME HE RETIRES FOR GOOD! OR AT LEAST UNTIL HE DOES SOMETHING ABOUT HIS SICKNESS!
  • Lord Shen- Ha! I didn't even have to touch him.

Second Round- Boxy the Gorrilla vs. Jiku

  • Boxy- Hey, ugly! Drop dead like all your ancestors!
  • Jiku- Are you talking to me?
  • Jiku's Giant Amoeba Fight Promoter- Uh-oh, he called him 'ugly'!
  • Jiku- Are you talking to ME?
  • Amoeba- Shouldn't've done that!
  • Jiku- ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?!?
  • Amoeba- Now he's in for it!
  • Jiku- They call me 'Mr.Ugly'! (Punches Boxy in slow motion, then begins punching him 5 times a second)
  • Boxy- Aunty Em? Is that you?
  • Coach- 1, 2, 3, YOU'RE OUT!
  • Icky- Holy crap! He's better than I thought!

Third Round- Shen vs. Terror Flea

  • Announcer- Now, introducing, the Latino nightmare from Mexico, The Terror Flea!
  • Lord Shen- Doesn't sound too bad. i mean, a flea? (A giant Lutador Flea appears on the other side of the ring and roars)... I'm dead!
  • Icky- Yeah, this is the United Universes. There's gonna be a chance that not all fleas are pipsqueks. There's gonna be bruisers like him around. All I can say is, be careful around this guy. He's fast, he's mean, and I heard stories his fast punches are like that of a hurricane.
  • (DING! Lord Shen and Terror Flea at the center)
  • Terror Flea- Prepárese para satisfacer un angustioso dolor que nunca se olvidarán, peacock! (Spanish: Prepare to meet an agonizing pain that you'll never forget, peacock!)
  • Lord Shen- Sorry, I don't believe I caught that. (Terror Flea tries to punch, but Shen dodges, and knocks Terror Flea by tail-swiping Terror Flea down)
  • Icky- You got him, Shen!
  • Terror Flea- (Quickly gets back on his feet) Oh, y así es cómo usted quiere bajar, huh? No importa, estaré bailando sobre su cadáver muerta pronto, birdie! (Spanish: Oh, so that's how you want it to go down, huh? No matter, I'll be dancing on your dead corpse soon, birdie!)
  • Lord Shen- More persistant then the last one, I see. No matter, allow me to show you why the Gorillas do not disrepect Lord Shen! (Pounces on Terror Flea and takes off with him, and started to spin around very fast)
  • Terror Flea- Estoy obteniendo mareado! (Spanish: I'm getting dizzy!) (Shen slams Terror Flea into the ground) OUCHIE! Mi tórax! Ow! Ow! Mi dolor tórax! (Spanish: OUCHIE! My thorax! Ow! Ow! My aching thorax!)
  • Announcer- WHOA! THIS PEACOCK IS INCREDIBLE FOR SOME BIRD WITH A GIANT FAN FOR A TAIL! THIS ONE HAS POTENTIAL!
  • Lord Shen lands.
  • Lord Shen- A pity a worthy oppenent like this giant parasite can only last so long.
  • Jiku- Holy crap, Mike! That bird is a good fighter.
  • Mike- Well, Jiku, this peacock is a known former Chinese warlord that created a deadly firework weapon. He nearly succeeded in taking over China, but he was defeated by a panda of some sort. Now, he's a known hero. They say that all he needed was a little girl to cure him from his darkness.
  • Jiku- Oh really, a Chinese dark heart cured by just a lil' girl? I HATE CHINESE! I HATE THEM, I HATE THEM, I HATE THEM! THEY KILLED MY FATHER! I'll crush him like a soda can!
  • Mike- (Makes angry face) You see, this is why the taboids are saying that you are racist. I mean, you gotta learn to let go, Jiku, that war you were involved in is long over, and the Japanese and Chinese don't hate each other anymore. Just let it go, okay?

Fourth Round- Queen Snakera vs. Terror Flea

  • Announcer- DESPITE HIS OBVIOUS DEFEAT, TERROR FLEA HAS BEEN CALLED BACK BY THE ALL TIME CHAMPION!
  • Terror Flea- Poner fin a esa puta! I'll empate en un millón, un montón nudos! HAH! (Spanish: Bring that bitch on! I'll tie her up in a million, bazillion knots! HAH!)...(Gasps) ¿Que diantres? (Spanish: What the hell?!?) (A large, long Anaconda with a female human chest appeared) Holy frijoles!
  • Queen Snakera- YOU ARE UNWROTHY TO BE IN THIS TORNAMENT! PREPARE TO BE REMOVED FROM THE FACE OF EXISTANCE! (Moves her large tail in for the attack)
  • Terror Flea- MAMI! Alguien me MI MAMI! (Spanish: MOMMY! SOMEBODY GET ME MY MOMMY!) (Runs for it, but Snakera tail whaps him to the ground)
  • Announcer- OH MY GOD! SHE OBLITERATED TERROR FLEA WITH JUST ONE BLOW! THIS GIGANTIC AMAZON QUEEN IS A GODDESS AMONG WRESTLERS!
  • Icky- Aw, crap.
  • Iago- You have a plan for this?
  • Icky- Before the fight with her, let's do a little...sabotage.
  • Fidget- Oh, I get'cha!
  • Iago- Icky? Isn't that cheating?
  • Icky- Yeah, but we just need to do it without physically cheating. Any of you have any plans? This fat snake could crush the bones out of Lord Shen easily.
  • Iago- Hmmm...I think I know what to do...

Round Five- Shen vs. Queen Snakera

  • Announcer- OH, BOY, EVERYONE! THINGS ARE CERTAINLY GONNA GET BLOODY AROUND HERE! AFTER SEEING QUEEN SNAKERA UNLEASH A CAN OF WHOOPDONKEY ON TERROR FLEA, I HIGHLY DOUBT LORD SHEN IS GOING TO BEAT HER. NO OPPONENT HAS SURVIVED EVEN 60 SECONDS AGAINST HER BRUTALLY STRONG CRUSHING COILS. SHE IS SAID TO HAVE GIVEN MANY OF HER OPPONENTS SCOLIOSIS AFTER INSTANTLY BREAKING THEIR SPINES WITH HER COILS. THIS PEACOCK WON'T LAST EVEN 2 SECONDS.
  • Snakera- Chinese warlord, HAH! I have been given nothing but weak fools today! I'll stuff the bird like a thanksgiving dinner!
  • Lord Shen- Dang, she's good!
  • Icky- Okay, Shen! You can beat this fatty, but it'll be hard and brutal. Try going for the throat. Anacondas may be one of the most dangerous animals in South America, believe me, I've seen Anaconda before, but if there's one thing I know about anacondas, it's their weak spots! And that's the throat! That move is such a classic against Anacondas, that no matter how brave or courageous they are, they'll give up, and whine like a little baby. I know that because I managed to scare off Cynder's old Anaconda monster by just grabbing it by the throat.
  • Lord Shen- Okay, but how am I supposed to grab it? This Anaconda is unbeatable! She could strangle me to death in 5 seconds.
  • Icky- Easy! Just disorientate her. Find some way to distract her from her urge to squeeze you so hard, that all your zits will pop.
  • Lord Shen- Ew! But genius!
  • Fidget- But, isn't she a giant? So her neck is HUGE!
  • Icky- Well, that's easy! All you have to do is instantly choke it. That works every time. Even for the toughest snakes. Just squeeze it hard enough, and Bob's your uncle, another one bites to dust!
  • Lord Shen- Okay. I guess that'll be enough for me.
  • DING!
  • Queen Snakera- I promise you, little bird, your pain shall be swift.
  • Lord Shen- Now tell me, are you really a queen? I mean, like, do you actually have an army and rule a nation? (Queen Snakera growls and attempts to tail-smack him, but Shen quickly dodges)
  • Queen Snakera- CURSES! I NEVER THOUGHT YOU WOULD ACTSELLY DODGE!
  • Lord Shen- You'd be amazed what years of Kung-Fu has given to me.(Snakera attacks again, and Lord Shen dodges, and dodges her other oncoming attacks)
  • Queen Snakera- Well, well! You've proven to be a worthy adversary! How futile, because I'll just beat you THE OLD FASHIONED WAY! (Wraps her coils around Lord Shen, and squeezes him) Hahahah! You're clearly a fool, peacock!
  • Lord Shen- YAAAHK! Are you certain it's ME who is a fool? (Frees his wings, grabs Snakera's neck, and squeezes tightly)
  • Snakera- AAAARRRGH! I GIVE UP, I GIVE UP! YOU WIN! AAAAAARRRRRGH! MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY! (Slithers away crying like a baby)
  • Lord Shen-...(Laughs) BUH-BYE!
  • Icky- (To Iago) Nice work with the info, Iago. How'd you learn something like that?
  • Iago- When Cynder's Anaconda alnost swallowed me, I learned to just touch the throat. Anaconda throats are the most vulnerable weak spots of any animal in the UUniverses.
  • Icky-...Okay, radical!
  • Jiku- Amazing. Lord Shen conquered the Great Snakera herself with little problem.
  • Mike- Obviously this guy is lucky.
  • Jiku- Luck is just a superstition, Mike! I think there's something poisoning the ocean. His last 2 fights he fought fairly, but this one, I am not so certain. Mike, i want you to keep an eye on that Ugly Bird, Parrot, and the peg-leg bat. I'm beginning to think there's something fishy going on here.
  • Mike- You mean other then yourself? (Scoffs, laughs) I'm priceless!
  • Jiku- Mike, I like you, but don't force me to dessilent you.
  • Mike- Ok big guy, take it easy, I'm going!

Final Round- Shen vs. Jiku

  • Icky- Okay, Lord Shen! I heard of this guy, and he obliterated his last challenger just for bad mouthing his looks. He has a mean left hook, he tail swipes, and he's Ex-Marine.
  • Lord Shen- A FORMER SOLDIER?
  • Icky- So? You're a former mad warlord. So you outrank him.
  • Lord Shen- ARE YOU INSANE?
  • Icky- Aw C'mon! We need this money so I can get Queen Grinder IX off my back! She said I'll be buried alive if I don't pay off the debts! And I mean literally, they're freakin' fire ants!
  • Lord Shen- Icky, seriously! You should just admit the truth! The other Lodgers have to know sooner or later.
  • Icky- NEVER! If they find out, I'll be swabbing the kitchen for months! I must keep this on the hush-hush! Now go out there and kick some Japanese butt!
  • Lord Shen- I hate you so much right now.
  • Announcer- LET'S GET READY TO CLASH! (Lord Shen and Jiku meet at the center ring)
  • Jiku- You're going down, clown! Down to Chinatown!
  • Lord Shen- I've been there, and it's quite lovely this time of year. (Jiku makes an angry face)
  • Jiku- 私はこれが私の立派な祖先の友人と私の仲間のすべての名誉のためにしてはいけない! (Japanese: I do this for the honor of my fellow friends and all of my honorable ancestors!) (Jiku throws a punch, but Shen blocks it) What the-? (Shen kicks Jiku in the gut) OOF! My self-service pump!
  • Icky- Go! Kick the dude's butt! (Jiku throws another punch, but Shen slaps it away, and punches Jiku hard enough to make a black eye, Jiku tries again and again, but eventally, Shen defeats him without effort, and Jiku dramatically falls)
  • Coach- 1, 2, 3, YOU'RE OUT!
  • Announcer- WHOA! I CANNOT BELIEVE MY EYES! LORD SHEN ACTUALLY DEFEATED JIKU THE GREAT! THIS IS A PHENOMENAL MOMENT TODAY FOLKS! JIKU IS NO LONGER THE STRONGEST THERE IS! NOW HE'S NOTHING MORE, THEN ONE UGLY FISH!
  • Jiku- Beaten by a peacock! Oh, the irony!
  • Lord Shen- Well! I must say that prehistoric shark is 'prehistory'!
  • Announcer- AND THE WINNER OF THE SMASH N' CRASH COMPETITION IS LORD SHEN! (Audience cheers)
  • Icky- Hahah! We did it, guys! My plan worked! We won the $20,000!
  • Coach- You? I'm sorry, Prehistoric one, but that money belongs to Lord Shen only.
  • Icky- WHAT?!? That's so unfair! I went through too much trouble to get that money, and I 've only got 6 hours left before Queen Grinder invades my home! I need to pay that loan after i lost the money to a scorpion prince at a game of poker and $20,000 worth of lotto tickets! (Audience gasps)...Did I say that out loud?
  • Suddenly. a familier eel shaped-figure appeared.
  • Officer Axle- Well, well, well! Wanted the money for yourself, did you?
  • Icky- YOU? What're you doing here? Didn't Team Nefarious feed you to some alligators?
  • Officer Axle- You could say I'm like a cockroach, you can't get rid of me so easily. It even helps if you have the ability to generate 600 volts of electricity. Ickerious...(Cuffs Icky) You're under arrest for the crimes of cheating and gambling.
  • Lord Shen- Oh no!
  • Iago- Oh no!
  • Fidget- Oh no!
  • Kool Aid Guy- (Bursts through wall) OH YEAH! (Pauses) ...Sorry! (Leaves)
  • Icky- Cheating? But all those fights were fair!
  • Mike- Not all of them! During the break, I heard you and your parrot and bat friends talking and bragging about how you help Lord Shen beat Snakera by one of your friends knowng about the throat being Snakera's one weak spot! (Everyone gasps)
  • Icky- At least the other fights were fair.
  • Mike- True, but if even one fight was won by cheating, a good number of fair fights cannot help you.
  • Officer Axle- You're coming with me, Icky! You'll be confined to prison for 10 years.
  • Icky- 10 YEARS?!? Shit!
  • Fidget- Lord Shen, do something!
  • ???- That wouldn't be necessary, Shen.
  • Lord Shen- Ignightus?
  • Fidget- The other Lodgers?
  • Icky- Oh no!
  • Skipper- At ease, Officer Axle! Punishment of a lodge member that commited a no-no by High Council code rightfully belongs to said Lodge.
  • Icky- But how did you guys find out?
  • Gilda- I told them about it, Ick. I've been eyeing on you since you first made that loan with that fire ant queen. But also, you didn't realize that major events like wrestling are broadcasted universe-wide. And also, Soothsayer, Merlin, and Ignightus' Pool of Visions ratted you out.
  • Iago- You forgot about the Soothsayer, Merlin, and that magic pool thing?!
  • Fidget- Wow, Icky is really dumb in this episode.
  • ???- Not to mention a poor scamer.
  • Icky- PRINCE SCORPO?! Oh great, as if my day didn't crapify enough!
  • Skipper- Well, Ick, I must say we are VERY dissapointed in you.
  • Prince Scorpo- You know, if I hadn't known about this in the first place, I would've helped, too.
  • Ignightus- Yes, prehistoric one. We are very dissapointed. But at least you took a little bit of responsibility for your actions. But we can't risk the fact that you never told us about this. So you realize that you must be punished.
  • Skipper- We are placing you into kitchen duty for a week. And we're paying Iago and Fidget to keep an eye on you.
  • Icky- CRAP NUGGETS!
  • Lord Shen- Perhaps I'd better just give up the money since it wasn't earned fairly. (Lord Shen gives up the money, and Jiku sees this)
  • Mike- You have to admit, at least when we discovered his problem, he wasn't even one bit unwilling to let that money go.
  • Jiku- Perhaps I was wrong about the Chinese. Mike, you think you could arrange a meeting with him, and the other fighters? I know just the way to fix the ugly bird's problem.
  • Mike- It's a done deal, kid.

Epilogue

Dragon Temple

  • Icky- (Cleaning the kitchen) Man! I can't believe I got myself into this mess! But at least the loan's been paid. And now I'm stuck doing kitchen duty all week.
  • Iago- Well, maybe this will teach you a lesson about being more responsible. And next time, you'll think about asking for money from Kuzco.
  • Icky- Yeah, at least he's back in business. (Sighs) There, it's all finished.
  • Iago- Did you empty the dishwasher?
  • Icky- CRAP! (Goes to empty the dishwasher)
  • Lord Shen: Plus-side, I was able to make amends with those fighters and the federation in whole.
  • Icky- Really? How?
  • Lord Shen- I said they can have you as a punching bag.
  • Icky- YOU WHAT?!?
  • Lord Shen- Yes sir. As soon as you finish kitchen duty, you'll have to go to those fighters.
  • Icky- Oh nuts! Haven't I suffered enough? (Fidget dumps kool-aide on Icky, and Shen, Iago and Fidget laugh) The universe hates me right now, does it?

fin.

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