MSM Poster

Star Wars Episode 4: Shell Lodge Style is the 4th Episode in the 2nd Season of the SpongeBob and Friends Adventures Chronicles series. In it, The Cutie Mark Crusaders are bored when they once again fail to get their cutie marks. So, to top it off, Scootaloo tells the story of Star Wars with the Shell Lodgers and Ponies as the cast. Also, while this film primarily contains jokes from the Family Guy version called Blue Harvest, this movisode will add story elements/plot points that were omitted from Blue Harvest for time.

Main Cast

  • Obi-Wan Kenobi- Lord Shen
  • Luke Skywalker- Spongebob
  • Princess Leia- Sandy
  • Han Solo- Rainbow Dash (To avoid lesbianism, in the later episodes, Han and Leia will become good friends)
  • Chewbacca- Pinkie (still able to talk, like the Brian variation in the family guy verson, but does growling as a joke and tesement.)
  • Darth Vader- Cynder (both Anakin and Cynder have tragic histories)
  • C-3PO- Djon
  • R2-D2- Creeper
  • Grand Moff Tarkin- Melman
  • Owen Lars- Crane
  • Beru Lars- Tirgess
  • Stormtroopers- Villain League Shocktroopers

Other characters are various camios of other lougers, or sometimes villains.

Fan-made Transcript

Chapter 1- The Cutie Marked Story

The CMC Yard

  • Scootaloo: (She, Sweetiebelle, and Applebloom were once again risking their lives with crazy shenanigans to gain their cutie marks by using a hang glider) You ready for this?
  • Applebloom: We were BORN ready!
  • Sweetiebelle: Yeah! I've always wanted to fly.
  • All 3: 3, 2, 1, (Take off, and start flying through the sky)
  • Applebloom: YEEHAH! This is amazing!
  • Sweetiebelle: Wow! Look at the view from up here.
  • Scootaloo: Yeah. Pretty soon, when I learn to fly, I'll see a view like this.
  • Sweetiebelle: LOOK OUT!!! (All 3 crash the hang glider into a tree, and fall to the ground. But they are okay)
  • Scootaloo: HAH! That was AWESOME!! (The Crusaders once again fail to gain their cutie marks) Aww!
  • Applebloom: Darn!
  • Sweetiebelle: Shoot!
  • Scootaloo: Man, this is the 150th time we've failed to gain our cutie marks. I'm beginning to think we're not trying hard enough.
  • Sweetiebelle: I'm pretty sure we were trying as hard as we can, Scoo.
  • Applebloom: Well, let's just remember what we learned in school. Cutie marks need to be earned by discovery of special talents.
  • Scootaloo: Yeah, but that's what we've been doing since we first met.
  • Sweetiebelle: And we've never found anything that we've been good at.
  • Applebloom: Maybe we should head back to the clubhouse. I'm gettin' tired.
  • Scootaloo: Me, too.
  • Sweetiebelle: Me, three.

CMC Clubhouse

  • Applebloom: So, what should we do now?
  • Sweetiebelle: I don't know. Every attempt we pulled off was futile for us. I don't think we'll ever gain our cutie marks for a while.
  • Scootaloo: Hey, hey, hey, that's not what Babs would say. Tell you what, how about I tell a story for the time being.
  • Applebloom: That sounds like a great idea, Scoo.
  • Scootaloo: Alright then. (Dubbed as Peter Griffin) This is a story of love and loss, fathers and sons, and the foresight to retain international mercandising rights. This is the story of Star Wars.
  • Sweetiebelle: Star Wars?
  • Applebloom: Oooooh, I love them movies. Me and Applejack use to watch them when we was alone at the barn.
  • Sweetiebelle: Great suggestion, Scoo.
  • Scootaloo: Thanks. Well, I guess we should get started. Here's Part 4... 

Chapter 2- The Story Begins

A long time ago, but somehow in the future...

Star Wars Theme Song By John Williams

Star Wars Theme Song By John Williams

Star Wars Theme

Intro (Star Wars Theme Song)

"It is a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire. There will be lots of crazy stuff happening in this parody like the Family Guy parody. Darth Vader will be a female, The main heroes will mostly consist of females, and the stormtroopers are just Shocktroopers. It will actually be explained in later episodes why Darth Vader is a female in this parody, and those who watch this and are female, PLEEEAAAASSE don't think of this as a girly episode just because females are the dominant gender in this episode. It will still have plently of guys! Trust me on this!

  • In a far reaches of space, at first it seems peaceful... but then....
  • (The Tantive IV ship is being chased by an Imperial Star Destroyer while they begin blasting at each other, then the Star Destroyer gets a clean hit)
  • C-3PO (Djon): (Dubbed as Quagmire 3PO) Hear that? Sounds like we're being bordered from the rear. And not the kind of 'Hey, take a deep breath, less experiment' type of bordered from the rear.
  • R2-D2 (Creeper): Beep boop beep. It's a good thing I can't feel pain cuz' I'm a robot. (Chuckles)
  • C-3PO: Oh, I'm pretty sure we're not susceptible to electricity, R2. Just you wait, someday, we'll both be captured by some freaky creatures with ion guns and hoods.
  • R2-D2: Like that will happen. (Tantive IV is captured by the Star Destroyer)
  • Rebel soldiers gathered up and blocked the enterence they think is most likely to be blown up by the storm troopers.
  • R2-D2: "Oh bloody hell! I think now's a good time to vanish, a death battle's about to begin!"
  • C-3PO: "Oh. you mean in the "Screwattack" channel?"
  • Voices: "SCREWATTACK!"
  • C and R2 weew confused.
  • R2-D2: "The hell was that?"
  • C-3PO: That's not it. I meant WE'VE GOT COMPANY! (Door is blown down and Stormtrooper-like Shocktroopers that blast their blasters at the Rebels, and a firefight begins)
  • R2-D2: MOTHER!!! (Both droids retreat through slide door)
  • Rebels fight hard, but eventally, their asses get handed to them.
  • Rebel: (Gets blasted down) DAMN! I was 2 days from retirement!
  • Shocktrooper: YEAH! (Smells air) Ahh, I LOVE the rotten smell of blaster plasma in the morning.
  • Shocktrooper 2: How do you know it's morning? We're not even on a planet.
  • Shocktrooper: Shut up, Shockass! I was being metaphorical.

Elsewhere in the Tantive IV

  • C-3PO: R2? Where are you? (Shrugs) I hate it when I lose him. He must've gotten distracted by that Droid Bar again...(Then he finds R2 with Princess Leia)
  • Princess Leia (Sandy): (On Holographic recording) Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope! (Dubbed as Lois Leia) Alright, now what do I click?
  • R2-D2: (Dubbed as Cleveland R2) Click "Preferences". (She does that)
  • Leia: Okay, I clicked "Preferences".
  • R2-D2: Now go to "Default Media Browser". (She does that)
  • Leia :Okay. There's a little hourglass and it's-it's not letting me do anything. It-it says "Buffering", what is that?
  • R2-D2: Just give it a minute.
  • Leia: Hey, all I'm trying to do is make an MPEG.
  • R2-D2: All I'm trying to do is tell you to wait a minute.
  • Leia: Okay, relax.
  • R2-D2: Now click, "Import Video File".
  • Leia: All right. (She does that) It's telling me I have to download RealPlayer 7.
  • R2-D2: You know what? I'll just bring it to him myself.
  • Leia: Yeah, I think that's for the best.
  • C-3PO: R2!! There you are! Where have you been?!?
  • R2-D2: I got lost, alright?!? You don't have to be a d*** about it.
  • C-3PO: I'm being a d*** about it FOR THE GALAXY!!!
  • Leia: Alright, alright, calm down, you savages! Just find Obi-Wan quick!
  • Shocktrooper: There she is! (R2-D2 and C-3PO retreat while Leia is knocked out by a blaster)
  • Leia: OOF! (Dizzy) Check please? (Faints)
  • Shocktrooper: "Holy crap!  She's not dead, is she? Cause she's, kinda impourent to the story."
  • Shocktrooper 2: These are STUN blasters, you idiot! If they weren't, we'd be kicked out of the story by the producer.
  • Shocktrooper: Okay, okay, God! Let's just bring her to Lord Cynder.
  • Shocktrooper 2: "Yeah good idea- wait what? I thought it was Vader."
  • the other shocktrooper gave an awkword pose.
  • Shocktrooper: 'You didn't get the memo, did you?"
  • MSM's voice: Look, I know Cynder's Darth Vader, but that doesn't mean she should have the same name. I thought Lord Cynder would sound cooler. But for your sake, you can call her 'Vynder'. Does that sound good enough?
  • Shocktrooper 2: Sure, I guess.
  • MSM's voice: Excellent. Now resume your duties before Lord Vynder gets MAD!

The hallway from before.

  • Shocktroopers form a single line.
  • Lord Vynder (Dark Cynder): (Arrives through the entrance, clearing the dead Rebels from her walkway with the Force) I HATE messes. (The Shocktroopers bring Leia to her) Well, well, well. If it isn't the squirrel chick of Alderaan, Princess Leia. I DEMAND you to tell me what you've done with the stolen Death Star plans.
  • Leia: No matter what, you ain't gettin a word from me, Lord Vynder.
  • Lord Vynder: 'Lord Vynder'? I'm sorry, did you get the memo? (MSM chokes Vynder with the Force) AHHKK!! Okay, okay, I get it! God! (Clears throat) Take her away. (Shocktroopers take Leia away)

Escape Pod Room

  • C-3PO: Quick, in here! (3PO and R2 hop into an escape pod, and blast off)

An imperial star destroyer.

  • Tai Lung and Makunga are seen as Imperial lutenents.
  • Tai Lung: "There appears to be an escape pod. Should we blow it up?"
  • Makunga: No, there's no lifeforms aboard.
  • Tai Lung: What, are we paying by the laser now?
  • Makunga: You don't do the budget, Tai, I do!
  • Tai Lung: "Ok, ok, sheesh! I just hope that pod doesn't contain something that'll end up become the downfall of the empire in some contrived way."
  • Makunga: Then what're you waiting for? Go send reinforcements to investigate.
  • Tai Lung: "Too late! That pod is out of reach now."
  • Makinga: "Well, maybe it was a fluke, a malfuntion."
  • Tai Lung: "Just to be on the safe side, let's NOT inform the boss of this AT all! She would kick our asses for this!"
  • Makunga: We're still not out of our league. My calculations show it's headed for Tatooine. We must find it's crash site and investigate.
  • Tai Lung: Sure, but remember, Lord Vynder must not know about this.

Chapter 3- Stranded on Tatooine

The Tatooine desert.

  • the pod is seen.
  • R2-D2: "Are we in a planet yet? You haven't opened the bloody door in hours?!"
  • C-3PO: Of course we're on a planet! I'm just having a hard time opening it, that's all. It's like sand is blocking our- (Door opens, and sand pours into the pod) MMPPPHH!!
  • R2-D2: (Both he and 3PO pop out of the sand, and to the surface) I got sand in places I didn't even know I had.
  • C-3PO: Well, at least we're out. Alright, we're on Tatooine.
  • R2-D2: So, where do you think Obi-Wan is?
  • C-3PO: "Sadly, R2, accurding to the star wars mythos, my memory of Mr. Obi-Wan's location was erased for his protaction."
  • R2-D2: "Well, that means your bloody useless."
  • C-3PO: "Well ok, Mister Smarty Moble Trashcan, what's your plan?!"
  • R2-D2: I say we split up.
  • C-3PO: I don't think that's a good idea What if Sand People attack us? What about Jawas?
  • R2-D2: Don't be a whimp, whimp!
  • C-3PO: Did you mean Wimp?
  • R2-D2: "Yes, but saying it with an H makes it more star-warsy."
  • C-3PO: Anyway, you know what, that's a great idea, Keg-chest. Let's split up so we can be torn apart by savage creatures and sold for scrap.
  • R2-D2: You'll be first.
  • C-3PO: No, YOU'LL be first!
  • R2-D2: We'll see about that, metal-pants. (Both split up)

miles later in the sand dunes.

  • C-3PO: "Oh who needs that overglorifived moblised garbage bin? I can handle myself! (Sees something in the horisen) Oh! Lookie! I am already doing super well! Transport! It looks like a walking verson of the krusty krab restaurent though. But who cares!"
  • C-3PO waves to get attention!

creepy cavern areas.

  • R2-D2: "I showed that twat golden pants idiot! I am in the most isloated part of the area. Surely it means Obi-Wan would hide here. What could possibly go wrong?" (Suddenly gets shot by Jawas that look like Mr. Krabs in ropes) WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW!!! (Shuts down, and the Jawas take him away)
  • Jewas: "Money, Money, Money, Money (repeats the word money for awhile.)."

Death Star, the Most Powerful Weapon in the Galaxy

  • Imperial Soldier (Marty): Any attack on this station would be a useless gesture, no matter how much data they've obtained. This station is now the ultimate crack-a-lacken power in the universe.
  • Lord Vynder: Excellent, so no weaknesses at all?
  • Imperial Soldier: Nope. It's 99.99% unstoppable.
  • Lord Vynder: Well, what's the 0.01%?
  • Imperial Soldier: Well, there's this little hole, and if you shoot in it, the place explodes like the 4th of July.
  • Lord Vynder: Hold up, that sounds like a pretty big design flaw.
  • Imperial soldier: "Oh don't worry miss V, it's too pathicly small, and well hidden."
  • Lord Vynder: "Yeah, but, they have our plans, and Leia won't reveil what she did with them, the damn squirl girl, and if we don't find out where she hid them, the rebels are gonna know our weakness!"
  • Imperial soldier: "Well, maybe to just be on the safe side, let's put like, a wooden plank over it, and maybe-"
  • Lord Vynder: "Your talking about using wood against rebel ships with fucking lazers that'll just burn it off?"
  • Imperial Soldier: Well, we've run out of metal, my lord. Wood is the only choice we go, so- (Vynder chokes him with the Force)
  • Lord Vynder:...I find your lack of faith, and lack of proper coverage of a glaring weakness and utter cheapness, disturbing... .
  • Grand Moff Tarkin (Melman): Enough of this! Vynder, release him!
  • Lord Vynder: As you wish. (Releases Imperial Soldier, and he gasps with air)
  • Grand Moff: "I mean honestly, what's is it with you and force-choking people! I mean, 19 of our guys are hospitalised, and you killed 2 of our finest generals!"
  • Lord Vynder: "Let's remember I have bad anger issues. So, hopefully, this won't matter, the sooner we find out Leia's hiding place for our blantent fatal flaw, the better."

Tatooine Escape Pod Crash Site

  • Shocktrooper: (Shocktroopers investigate crash site) Someone WAS in the pod. The tracks go off in this direction.
  • Shocktrooper 2: Look sir, droids!
  • Shocktrooper 3: HEY, A PENNY!!!
  • Shocktrooper: "Oh real mature guys! Seriously, focus! Whoever was in that pod, propbuly has something impourent that in the wrong hand in long terms could be used against us, so focus!"
  • Shocktrooper 2: Besides, a penny? It's not worth a lot of money, you know. Also, that tecnecally shouldn't even exist in the Star Wars Universe!
  • Shocktrooper 3: "Well this isn't the actual star wars universe, now is it?"
  • Shocktrooper: KNOCK IT OFF, CHOWDER HEADS?! Let's just be on the lookout for some droids.

Inside the walking krusty crab thing.

  • R2-D2 came through.
  • R2-D2: "Aw bloody hell. Where am I?"
  • Jawa (Mr. Krabs): Money money money money money.
  • R2-D2: YIPES! A JAWA!!! Get away from me, you crusty creep!
  • C-3PO: I KNEW this was a bad idea from the start, R2. I never should've listened to you. Now, we're playing pattycake with a bunch of cheapskates with no faces.
  • Jawa: WHAT?!? (Takes hood off) I'll have you know, I'm not cheap. This is just how I make a living.
  • C-3PO: Why'd you put your hood down? I don't think Jawas are supposed to do that.
  • Jawa: Why? Is it because of my age? I ain't old! I AIN'T OLD!!!!
  • R2-D2: Alright, alright, you've gotten your point across.
  • Jawa: THANK YOU! (Puts hood back up) Money money money money money (Walks away)
  • C-3PO: Yeah, Jawas can sometimes be melodramatic.
  • R2-D2: Uh, 3PO? We're stopping at some kind of moisture farm.
  • C-3PO: Well, it's about time. Anything's better than this stupid Crustycrawler.

Moisture Farm

  • Jawas: Money money money money money money money
  • Owen Lars (Crane): Alright, what's for sale, crabbies?
  • Jawa: "Money, Money Money Money, money!"
  • A series of robots and R2-D2 and C-3PO are reveiled.
  • R2-D2: "Well I'm glad we're not being sold a whiny protaginest."
  • Owen: Hmm... Those 2 droids look perfect. I'll take the astromech droid and the golden protocol droid.
  • C-3PO: YES! So long, cheapskate midgets! (Laughs) Hello, there, bird. I am C-3PO, cartoon-cyborg relations, and this is my counterpart, R2-D2.
  • R2-D2: Counterpart? We don't even look alike!
  • Owen: Hmm... You seem to have great value. Do you speak Bachy?
  • C-3PO: Of course I do, sir. It's like a second language to me. I'm fluent in over 6 million forms of communication. Many of which include Japanese.
  • Owen: Yeah, whatever. (Suddenly the camera eases onto a sponge)
  • ???: LUKE? LUKE? LUKE?!?!?
  • Luke (SpongeBob): WHAT IS IT, AUNT BERU?!?
  • Beru Lars (Tigress): Tell Uncle Owen not to tell you that your mother is Darth Vynder.
  • Luke: That doesn't even make any sense.
  • Beru: It's not supposed to.
  • Luke: Aw, c'mon, Aunt Beru! When are you gonna let me join the Rebellion like all my friends?
  • Beru: Oh, stop whining and come have some blue milk, Luke.
  • Luke: One of these days, I'm just gonna run off and join the Rebellion whether you like it or not!
  • Beru: Over my disintegrated flesh!
  • Luke: "Just hope no near by Stormtrooper heard that! Who knows?! It might just happened!"
  • Luke stomps out in anger.

Later that day, and Tatooine's two suns are setting in the distance

  • Luke:... (Walks up onto a hill)... Someday, I'll get off this mudball and fight the Empire...
  • dramitic music plays.
  • Luke: Personally, I think that music is pretty nice. John Williams has great taste.

Inside Hut

  • C-3PO: (Inside oil bath, Dubbed as Quagmire 3PO) OOHHH, this oil bath is gonna feel SOOO good!
  • Luke: It just isn't fair. I'm NEVER gonna get out of here.
  • C-3PO: Is there anything I can do, sir?
  • Luke: Not unless you can alter time, speed up the harvest, or teleport me off this mudball. (Sighs) My life is like a fart! (C-3PO farts in oil bath)...Okay, that was uncalled for.
  • C-3PO: Sorry about that.
  • Luke: Wait a burger-flipping second. There's something stuck in this R2-unit... (Checks it, and Leia's holographic message plays)
  • Leia Hologram: Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi! You're my only hope! Alright, now what do I click?... Okay, I've clicked 'Preferences'... Okay. There's a little hourglass and it's-it's not letting me do anything. It-it says "Buffering", what is that?... Hey, all I'm trying to do is make an MPEG.... Okay, relax.... All right... It's telling me I have to download RealPlayer 7.... Yeah, I think that's for the best. (Message ends)
  • Luke: Whoa. What kind of animal was that? You know what, I don't care, but she sounds like she's in trouble. She sounds like she needs to be saved.
  • R2-D2: You think?
  • Luke: Hmm... I guess it's no big deal. I guess I'll just go bullseye some womprats on my T-16 even though I don't have a driver's license.
  • C-3PO: (Dubbed as Quagmire 3PO) You shoot small animals for fun while driving under the influence? That's the first indicator of a serial killer, you freak.
  • Luke: (Dubbed as Chris Luke) There's two suns, and no women except for my bitchy tiger aunt and every single crazy bitch in Mos easily, WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!?
  • R2-D2: "Yeah, the star wars films do seem to mostly be sausage festivals."


  • Womprat: RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIIIIIIVES! (Womprats scatter as Luke blasts and runs them over)
  • Luke: YEEEEHAH! (Runs over a womprat, then shoots blaster at another one) BLAMO!
  • Womprat 2: (Shrieks like a female)
  • Luke: This is better than that old Off-Road Velociraptor Safari game! (Womprat gets smacked to a cliffside)
  • Womprat 3: (Muscular) COME GET SOME!!! (Luke smacks it down with his T-16)
  • Womprat 4: YAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHH!!! (Gets blasted then run over)
  • This was viewed by C-3PO and R2-D2.
  • R2-D2: "Our hero, ladies and gentlemen."


  • C-3PO: (Luke is fixing a water-sucking machine) Master Luke, I can't find R2-D2.
  • Luke: What? He's lost?
  • C-3PO: Yes... Again. I hope he's not trying to get drunk on oil again.
  • Luke: Well, I suppose we should find him. He's a pretty important character in this story.
  • C-3PO: And I swear to God, if he's drunk on oil again, I am gonna rip his legs off.
  • Luke: I don't think protocol droids are meant for violence.
  • C-3PO: Really? You should see my old counterpart, URB-10.


  • URB-10: (Fights a rancor twice his size) I WILL CRUSH YOU INTO A MILLION BITE-SIZED PIECES, YO!


  • Luke: Seriously, dude? That's messed up.
  • C-3PO: You know what, forget it. Let's just go find R2.

Jundland Wastes

  • C-3PO: "I'm curious, why we came here?"
  • Luke: I don't know. The scanners say R2 is somewhere around here, so I guess we're in the right place.
  • C-3PO: Well, it's just that... These areas are too dangerous to get lost in. There's Sand People all over the place. Who knows what they wanna do to our innards.
  • Luke: Ew. (Spots R2) Hey, there he is. HEY, R2!! What're you doing here? Don't you know it's dangerous here?
  • R2-D2: Beep boop beep.
  • C-3PO: He says there's some Sand People in our area.
  • R2-D2: That's not what I said, dude! I said there's no Droid Cantinas on this planet.
  • C-3PO: I KNEW IT!!! (Tries to attack R2, but Luke stops him and holds him) C'mere, you metallic son of a bitch!
  • Luke: Guys, will you STOP?!? You don't wanna attract the attention of those zombie freaks, do you? (Suddenly a Tuskan Raider (Rico the Penguin) attacks him) AAAAHHHHH!!!
  • Tuskan Raider: (Laughs maniacally, and hacks out a chainsaw)
  • Tuskan Raider: Bye-bye! (Just as he was about to kill him, a hooded figure scares him away with a whistle) YIPE!!!! (Slides away)
  • R2-D2:... Bloody hell! (The hooded figure appears in front of him) Who the hell are you? (The hooded figure is Obi-Wan Kenobi)
  • Obi-Wan (Lord Shen): Hello there.
  • R2 D2: "Aw finally! We been looking for you, Mr. Obi-Wan!"
  • Obi-Wan: "Well, I legally had it changed to Shen-kenobi."
  • C-3PO: That's a nice name.
  • Luke: (Gets up) What happened? (Sees Shen) Oh, you must be Obi-Wan.
  • Shen: Well, you can at least call me Shen Kenobi.
  • Luke: Nice name.

Shen Kenobi's Hut

  • Shen: So, Luke, what brings you to these parts?
  • Luke: A lot. First, I was looking for R2, then conveniently when I was about to be slaughtered by a Tusken Raider that somehow had a Chainsaw, seriously, I think someone should look into that, I bump into you. It's a little weird how you're still alive after thinking you died a long time ago after the Empire wiped out the Jedi. I don't know how this happened, but-
Get on with it!

Get on with it!

  • Luke: Oh, right. R2, play him the message. (R2 plays the Hologram message of Leia)
  • Leia: Shen Kenobi. Years ago, you served my Pa in The Clone Wars. Now, we need your help again. Also, you kinda still have your livetime servitude to us when you went to that space panda village and-
  • Shen presses the forword button!
  • Leia: It appears we have obtained vital information for the Rebellion. We have obtained the plans for some highly-classified superweapon known as The Death Star. Don't know what it does yet, but that's what this story's all about, right? Anyway, I'm counting on you to bring these plans to my Pa on Alderaan. The plans are stored right here in this R2 unit. Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope. Alright, now what do I click?- (Message ends)
  • Shen: Hmm, this is terrible. Well, I must attend to it. Luke, you must come with me to Alderaan, and learn the ways of the Force.
  • Luke: What's the Force? Is that some kind of religion or something?
  • Shen: Well not in sense that it involves some kind of a god the Star Wars Mythos has yet to reveil at this point in time. It's kind of a scientific religion. The Force is what gives a Jedi Knight his/her power. It surrounds us, it penetrates us, and it aids us. Basically, it works because of this kind of fictional organelle in your body cells that has a made up word as far as I'm concerned.
  • Luke: Well, if I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna need a glowing stick like yours.
  • Shen: Of course you will. (Takes a lightsaber hilt out of a chest, and gives it to Luke) Here you are.
  • Luke: (Activates it) HOLY SHRIMP!!! That's awesome! (Playing with the lightsaber, Dubbed as Mr. Whiskers) BACK, EVIL ALIENS! You will not suck the brains of my skull!
  • Shen: Careful with that. It's dangerous. It also belonged to your mother.
  • Luke: My mother? You know my mother?
  • Shen: Indeed, I do.
  • Luke: Well, what happened to her?
  • Shen: Well, it was quite tragic. A young now former Jedi named Darth Vynder, had betrayed her and killed her.
  • Luke: Gees, that's terrible.
  • Shen: I guess we should get going, now.
  • Luke: Uh... I don't know. It sounds a bit extreme.
  • Shen: Well, I thought you should know that the Empire is gonna come looking for these two droids.
  • Luke: Good point. Wait a minute. What if... If they find out who the Jawas sold them to, that could lead them back... Home! CRAP, CRAP, CRAP, CRAP, CRAP, CRAP, CRAP, CRAP, CRAP! (Hops into T-16, and drives off right after running over another womprat.)
  • R2: ".... He's going to find out saving them is a lost cause, is he?"
  • Shen: "Alas, as it is written in the Star Wars Mythos, His aunt and uncle are not destened to be long living characters."

Owen and Beru's Moisture Farm

  • Luke: (Appears after hitting another womprat) UNCLE OWEN?!? AUNT BERU?!? HELLO?!? ARE YOU OKAY?!? (Finds the moisture farm destroyed) OH MY BARNACLES! (Owen and Beru's skeletons lay in the entrance to the hut) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! WHY!!!!! WHYYY!!!!!!

Later, after going back for Shen, R2 and 3PO

  • Luke: (3PO and R2 burn some dead Jawas) Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru... They're dead. Just like those Jawas.
  • Shen: Oh, the Jawas weren't dead, they were just stunned.
  • C-3PO: (Shocked) Oh, shit!
  • R2-D2: (Dubbed as Stewie Griffin) Well, by God, 3PO, we're murderers. And droids do not have considerably good rights in the Star Wars Universe!
  • Shen: There's nothing you could've done, Luke. Had you been there, you would've been killed, too, and the droids would now be in the hands of the Empire.
  • Luke: Yeah... I guess you're right. Well, I guess we should head for Alderaan. The sooner we finish this story, the better.
  • Shen: "Well, first we need a ship, a questionable pilot and sidekick who is also good at fighting. The Empire is not to be taken lessly, even if their soldiers have TERRIABLE aim!"
  • Luke: Question is, where are we gonna find a ship?
  • Shen: Don't fret. I know just the place.


  • R2-D2: (Group drives the T-16 through the desert until R2 falls out) WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!!!

Later again

  • R2-D2: (Brushing sand off with mechanical appendage) Thanks for waiting, guys! (Mos Eisley is seen)
  • Shen: Mos Eisley Spaceport. You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
  • R2-D2: (Dubbed as Cleveland R2) My sister Vageena-D2 lives here.
  • C-3PO: Is she single?
  • R2-D2: She's a lesbot.
  • Shen: (Everyone looks at him weird) Okay, I didn't need to hear that. Let's just get a ship and get off of this rock.

Chapter 4- Mos Eisley Spaceport

Mos Esily.

  • Random aliens are seen mimicing a village in Arabia.
  • Shen and the others drove through the city.
  • Two thugs were seen punching eachother in the face!
  • Luke: "So, this is a what the hotbed of sin is like?"
  • Shen: You bet your ass it is. This place is full of thugs and tough guys, so try not to piss them off. (Shocktroopers halt them)
  • Shocktrooper: How long have you had the droids?
  • Luke: About 5 years.
  • Shocktrooper: Well, we're looking for 2 droids under the posession of stolen plans. I'm gonna have to search them. But first, let me see your driver's license.
  • Luke:... Uh...
  • Shen: (Using the Force) You don't need to see his driver's license.
  • Shocktrooper: (Affected by the Force) We don't need to see his driver's license.
  • Shen: These aren't the droids you're looking for.
  • Shocktrooper: These aren't the droids we're looking for.
  • Shen: He can go about his business.
  • Shocktrooper: He can go about his business.
  • Shen: Move along.
  • Shocktrooper: Move along.
  • Luke: Whew! (Floors it at top speed)
  • Shocktrooper: What the heck just happened here?
  • Shen: (After the T-16 hits a Jawa) Here we are. The Mos Eisley Cantina, where the best Star Wars music is played.
  • Luke: What a DUMP!
  • C-3PO: Absolutely.
  • Shen: " Well what did you expect? This planet has a very bad ecomedy."
  • Luke: "Why?"
  • Shen: "Jabba ate it, the fat alien basturd."
  • A cloaked stranger sees them in secret.
  • Imperial Spy (Squidward): "I can't believe I am only making a camio in this."
  • Shen: Now, the first thing we need to do here is get some money. We can't get to Alderaan if we're broke.
  • Luke: And where in Tatooine are we gonna get enough money to pay for a ride to Alderaan? (Suddenly notices his T-16) Oh, no, no, no, no, no! I am NOT selling my precious Tsixteeny. He's the best darn landspeeder there is.
  • Shen: Or you can stay here and rot knowing that you have nowhere to live and no one to take care of you.
  • Luke:... (Sighs) Fine! (Ka-ching sound is heard)


  • Luke: (Crying) I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU, TSIXTEENY! (Cries)
  • C-3PO: 'Tsixteeny'. (Scoffs) What a noob.
  • Luke: HEY! You'll be lucky I don't sell YOU for a couple hundred credits. Now, shut up, and follow me. (Group enters the Cantina, and the Imperial Spy reports the bargain through a comlink)
  • Imperial Spy: (Squeaks) UHHGH! Why do I sound like that?!?

Mos Eisley Cantina

  • (Most Famous Star Wars Cantina Music plays)
  • Luke: Whoa! This place is nice.
  • Bartender: HEY! We don't serve their kind!
  • Luke: What? The Droids? Well that's very botist of you!
  • Bartender: What? No! It's not the droids! Your hair lice!
  • Tiny voice: "Well, I guess the jig's up!"
  • The Lice crawled away!
  • Luke:.... Oy, I really need a drink..... (Sits at a table, then a weird creature talks to him in alien language, then he turns his back, then someone gets his attention)
  • Thug: He doesn't like you!
  • Luke: Sorry. (Turns his back, and the Thug gets his attention again)
  • Thug:..... You know what, that's fair. I'm Hognose, and this is my brother-in-law, Scotty Ponda. He's visiting from Hoth.
  • Scotty: I don't know why they call it 'Hoth'. Maybe they should call it 'Coldth'.
  • Hognose: Alright, settle down.
  • Shen: "Luke, please pay attention, and help me find a pilot."
  • Luke: Hmm, maybe he's perfect. (He finds Han Solo (Rainbow Dash) along with Chewbacca (Pinkie Pie))
  • Shen: Looks good to me. (Walks up to her) Excuse me, Rainbowish pony?
  • Han Solo: Yeah? What you want, Peacock?
  • Luke: "HOLY CRUD, YOUR A GIRL?!"
  • Shen: Luke, we may be in a bar of a relitively rude community, but that's no excuse to have no mannors! My friend and I would like a ride to Alderaan, and money is no object.
  • Han Solo: Well, you've come to the right ponies.
  • Chewie: "(Makes a strange sound, then spits in the sink!) Mom always said, always rinse after every meal. Wanka Wanka Do-do!"
  • Han Solo: "So, Who wants to hear about my ship, the Millenium Falcon?"
  • Luke: Is it a fast ship?
  • Han: Are you kidding? It's the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.
  • Luke: Uh, isn't parsecs a unit of distance, not time?
  • Han: Whatever. How will you be paying? 10,000 all in advance?
  • Shen: How about 2,000 now, and 15,000 when we get there?
  • Han: 17,000?!? Well, blow me down like a tornado! (Chewie tries to blow her down literally)..... Not litterally, Chewie. (Chewie Stops)..... You got yourself a ship. Chewie, take them to the ship.
  • Chewie: Okey-Dokey-Loki! (Takes them both to the ship)
  • Han: Alright, I guess we're doing thi- (Greedo (Skipper) holds her at gunpoint)
  • Greedo: "Hold it right there, ya rainbowed hippie! We need to have a nice little chat."
  • Han: Greedo! I see your still in league with Jabba?
  • Greedo: YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I AM!!! You're beginning to test his patience, Han! He needs the money you owe him, or he's gonna be all over you like ice cream on a child's face.
  • Han: Okay okay okay! But I'm afraid I might need a little longer.
  • Greedo: (Dubbed as Stewie Griffin) DO YOU THINK I'M AN IDIOT?!? HUH?!? DO YOU?!? Jabba's waited far too long for you, Dasher! Either pay up, or suck my- (Han blasts Greedo with hoof-held blaster)... Blaster... Oh hey, you did fired first..... (Dies)
  • Han: Too bad you ain't an important character, huh? (Rasberries at him) Your just lucky that since this is an uncanon parody, you won't really be dead in the real series or the cronitcles.
  • Chewie: "Because this is all just Scootaloo's igmagination!"
  • Shen: "Well now that we're done being post modern, can we go? The famed music starting to get to me, and I fear it's only a mater of time before they deside to repeat it because it's all they know."
  • Cantina Band Member: Thank you, we're the Cantina Band, if you have any requests, shout them out. (Imitating a person) Play the same song! (Normal voice) Alright, same song, here we go! (Band plays the same song)
  • Shen: You see what I mean?
  • Han: Alright, let's get moving. (Group leaves)

Millenium Falcon's landing pad

  • Han: (The Falcon has rainbow streaks) Well, what do you think?
  • C-3PO: Great Gatzby!
  • Luke: What a piece of junk! It's got rainbow colors on it!
  • Han: Thank you, it belonged to my father. He died of leukemia, how do you feel now?
  • Luke: "Oh I feel sorry for your loss."
  • R2-D2: You got any strawberry oil in there?
  • Han: Nah, but she'll make 0.5 past lightspeed. If you want, I can show you around since no one's trying to stop the ship or blast us.
  • Shocktrooper: (Suddenly appears) Stop that ship! Blast them!
  • Han: CRAP, now I can't show you around, let's get out of here! (Everyone enters the ship) Hang on tight! It's gonna be a LONG ride! (Falcon takes off into space)


  • Han: (Looking on the radar) Uh-oh, there's Imperial cruisers on our tail.... Oh, look at the one on the left. (Sterningly) Get off your cell phone, you are driving! (Imperial Star Destroyers are gaining on them)
  • Luke: They're gaining on us!!!
  • Han: Look, we'll be safe enough once we enter hyperspace. Besides, nothing can touch us. Ain't that right, Chewie?
  • Chewie: You bet! (The Imperial Destroyers begin blasting at them, but the Falcon does a barrel roll, avoiding the blasts) WHEEEEEE!!!
  • Han: See? We're completely safe. (Falcon gets blasted in the hull) OH MY, GOD! NOT ANOTHER DENT!!!
  • Luke: So we're completely safe, huh?
  • Han: Hey, you're lucky we made it through that blast without a scratch. Alright, we're about to enter hyperspace in 3...2...1...(The ship enters hyperspace)...(Dubbed as Peter Griffin) Man, why does the hyperspace of the Falcon always look so freaky? (Hyperspace looks like a rainbow version of the hyperspace on Blue Harvest)

Chapter 5- Destruction of Alderaan

The Death Star

  • Grand Moff was hyperventilating in a brown bag.
  • Lord Vynder: Uh, Governor Tarkin? What are you doing?
  • Grand Moff: Hey, being in space has given me breathing complications! Could you at least try and get me an inhaler later on, Vynder?
  • Lord Vynder: Uh, sure.
  • Leia: (Enters the room) Governor Tarkin. I thought I smelled medical appliances around here.
  • Grand Moff: Wow, insensitive bitch much? Oh Whatever. It's time for us to test the Death Star. (A view of Alderaan is seen)
  • Leia: Alderaan? What are you doing with it?
  • Grand Moff: The Death Star was made for one simple purpose. To destroy entire planets. And we've decided to test it on Alderaan.
  • Leia: NO!
  • Grand Moff: "Well if a certain someone wasn't being a defyable little matrearch of a bitch and just told us where their prime hidden base is, I would've been more then happy to use it to blow up a deserted planet, but NOOOOOOOO! Well get ready to be princess of a new asteroid belt!"
  • Vynder: Ready the death ray!
  • Imperial Soldier: Death ray readying. (Soldiers activate the Death Star, and green energy glows around the death ray, and the ray demolishes Alderaan into a million pieces)
  • Leia: (Gasps) No!...
  • Vynder: And THAT'S to show the Rebellion who it is they're dealing with.
  • Leia: You MONSTERS!!!
  • Grand Moff: Again with the insults!? Take her away! (Shocktroopers take a barely crying Leia away) Our next target will be Yavin 4! After my X-ray scans.
  • Lord Vynder: "(Wispers) Oh god, the sooner he dies off in the end of the film, the better."
  • Grand Moff: "What was that?"
  • Lord Vynder: Nothing.


  • Shen: (Luke is wearing a blindfold holding his mother's lightsaber training with a training droid) Concentrate. Focus on what your body is telling you about the enemy, and try to defend yourself. Just feel the Force flowing through you, and you'll know exactly what to do.
  • Luke: Okay, got it.
  • Han: (Chuckles) Sounds like you hippies are having a religious education to me.
  • Luke: (Stops training) You don't believe in the Force, do you?
  • Han: (Dubbed as Peter Solo) Oh, you mean that thing you just found out about like 3 hours ago, and are now judging me for not believing in it?
  • Luke: Do you believe in anything?
  • Han: Uh, yeah, didn't you see my Kabala bracelet?
  • Luke: What's Kabala?
  • Han: About a $1.75. (Laughs hysterically) Honestly, I have no idea, I'm just a slave to trends.
  • Shen: Yeah, you never wore that bracelet before, you just got it from MSM. (Tremor) What the hell?
  • Han: (All return to the cockpit) Oh my, God! We've came out of hyperspace into an asteroid field.
  • Shen: Wait a minute, this isn't an asteroid field...
  • Chewie: Oh my britches! Alderaan's been destroyed by the Empire! 
  • Han: CRAAAAP!! There goes my chance to pay back Jabba.
  • C-3PO: You're in debt to Jabba?
  • Han: Don't ask.
  • Luke: Hey, there's a small moon up ahead. Let's go check it out. (They see the Death Star)
  • Shen:... That's no moon... It's a space station!
  • Han: "What makes you think that?"
  • Shen: "Ok, you tell me, since when are moons made of metal, spawn an endless forces of tie fighters, and everytime it's seen, a world becames an asterroid belt?"
  • Han didn't say anything.
  • Shen: Exactly! (Suddenly the Falcon is in tremors)
  • Han: Oh crud, they've got us in a tractor beam! Well, they're not getting me without a fight! (Tries fighting the beam, but fails)
  • Shen: You can't win. But there are alternatives to fighting.
  • Luke: Like what?
  • Shen: Everyone get into the cargo hold. We'll take them by surprise. (Everyone gets into the cargo hold as the Falcon is taken to the Death Star)

Death Star

  • The Falcon is placed in. Stocktroopers are laughing at the colors!
  • Stocktrooper: "OH MY GOD?! WHO USES THAT, A BRONY?"
  • All but the one Shocktrooper stopped laughing.
  • Other Shocktroopers: "HATER!"
  • The other Shocktroopers kicked his ass!
  • A pony Storm trooper and a Sponge stromtrooper are seen.
  • Pony Stormtrooper: "Well if those idiots are gonna be, well, idiots, I guess we have to do this."
  • Sponge Storm trooper: "Yep. Gee, I hope we're impourent characters, cause I hate just to be here to move the plot or something."
  • Pony Stormtrooper: Yeah, I don't exactly get why we're needed. But I guess we'll find out, right?
  • Sponge Stormtrooper: Yeah. (Both go inside the Falcon, only to get blasted) Oh, so THAT'S what we were needed for- GAAAHHH!!
  • Han: (She and Luke are disguised as the Pony and Sponge Stormtroopers they killed, and the others pretend to be prisoner transfer) Alright, just follow my lead and act real cool. (All tiptoe in a cool fashion while really cool music is playing, something like this:)
    Family guy just follow my lead and act real cool

    Family guy just follow my lead and act real cool

    Act Real Cool

  • Chewie: (Laughs) That was COOL!!!
  • Han: That was the point, Chewie.
  • Shen: Alright, I'm gonna go knock out that tractor beam.
  • Luke: And we'll find the Princess.
  • Shen: "Luke, this is where we must part ways. Now, before we split, there something for you to be aware of."

(He suddenly sings this, as back-up dancers dressed as storm troopers appeared)

Family Guy Herbert- Time Of My Life Lyrics

Family Guy Herbert- Time Of My Life Lyrics


  • Han: What was THAT all about?
  • Shen: I don't know. I just felt like doing it.
  • Chewie: (Laughs at Shen) That was hilarious! Do it again!
  • Luke: Uh... Okay. Let's get started. (They split up)
  • R2-D2: What about us?
  • Luke: You stay at the control panel over there in case we get stuck in a trash compactor or something.
  • C-3PO: (Shrugs) Why do droids have to do the dirty work?

Chapter 6- Rescue and Escape from The Death Star


  • There was alot of troopers chatting and protroling.
  • Chewie: (A mouse droid wheels up to her, and she does the Chewie growl)
  • Mouse Droid: HOLY SMOKES!!! (Wheels away)
  • Chewie: (Laughs) Sometimes these droids tend to be VERY scared.
  • Han: SSSHHH!! There are Shocktroopers watching!
  • Shocktrooper: You say something?
  • Luke: Uh, no. We were heading to the prison cells to dump this furball.
  • Chewie: Huh?
  • Shocktrooper: Very well, then. Carry on. (The group continues)


  • Han: (Group checks a map of the Death Star) So, what're we on? The first floor?
  • Luke: No, we're on the second floor.
  • Han: No, no, see, here's the Banana Republic, and we just passed that, so, uh...was just right there, so, uh... We parked at the Macy's side, so now we must be over here by the JCPenney.
  • Luke: I would actually think the first floor is for mostly men stuff, and there's a LadyFootLocker over there.
  • Han: Oh, so we're on the third floor.
  • Han: (Sighs) Fine. Just stick to the plan, alright?
  • Chewie: Yay!


  • Chewie: (After they stop at the McDonalds) Ohh, that was SO delicious. (Burps)
  • Luke: I just can't believe we had to hide in a closet and eat so everyone wouldn't get suspicious of a 'prisoner' ordering takeout food in an Imperial superweapon.
  • Han: Let's just focus on the task at hand, alright? (Gang enters elevator and Imperial Star Wars elevator music plays, and after a while, Chewie begins dancing to it, then they arrive in the Prison area)
  • Imperial Soldier: What's with the furball?
  • Han: Prisoner transfer.
  • Imperial Soldier: Oh, okay. (Turns around, and Han blasts him in the back) OOF!!!
  • Intercom Guy: What happened up there?
  • Han: (On communication) Uh, we got a slight weapons malfunction. Uh, everything's perfectly normal now... We're fine. How are you?
  • Intercom Guy: We're sending a squad up.
  • Han: Uh, negative. We have a reactor leak here, now. Give us a minute to lock it down. Large leak; very dangerous.
  • Intercom Guy: There's no reactor on that floor.
  • Han: Yes, well... (Grabs a book and skims through it) I talked to... Dave Johnson in stormtrooper engineering and he said there is a reactor here.
  • Intercom Guy: Dave Johnson? Hang on one second. Okay, I have Dave Johnson on the line. Dave, did you install a reactor in the prisoner control room?
  • Dave Johnson: (On intercom) Uh, no. No. There's no reactor there.
  • Han: Well, I don't know what to tell you, but I'm staring straight at a reactor. Maybe Vynder had it installed yesterday.
  • Intercom Guy: Hang on a second.
  • Vynder: (On intercom) What do you want? (Han starts to panic)
  • Intercom Guy: Lord Vynder, did you install a reactor in the prisoner control room?
  • Vynder: (On intercom) Uh, not that I know of. Hang on one second. Sheila, can you get me the plans to the Death Star? Okeydokey. Got the plans here. Let me have a look. (Han gets more worried) No reactor that I can see. But, might as well put one in. There's always room for another reactor.
  • Intercom Guy: We'll send a team up to build the new reactor.
  • Han: Uh, no, no. Not necessary. We've got it under control. (Han shoots the intercom) WHEW!! (Pants in relief) Boring conversation, anyway.
  • Chewie: (Laughs) That was kind of awkward. We're lucky we didn't get caught.
  • Luke: "But they might get worried of why the transmission was cut off before a blast! They might start to send guys!"
  • Han: "Aw shit, then move it!"

Tractor Beam Generator

  • Shen: (Finds the tractor beam generator) Bingo. (Climbs onto the ledge, then pulls the lever, shutting down the generator) Alright, now we can get out of this hell machine. (Jumps across the chasm with great speed and agility) Whew! I'm getting too old for this. (Stretches, then breaks back) AAAHHH!! MY BACK! (Sighs) This is gonna take a while, isn't it? (Walks away with his back stiff)

Prison Cell Room

  • Han: Okay, the Princess is in Cell #15.
  • Luke: Hmm, the scanners say she's still there, so we're lucky. I'll go get her. (Runs to the cell)
  • Han: Why did I let you talk me into doing this?
  • Chewie: Look, man, he said he'd pay us for helping him, so let's come to peace with it. We'll be okay. (Suddenly a squad of Shocktroopers appear behind them, and Chewie makes a cartoonishly wild panic, eyes stretching out of the sockets, tongue thrashing, and hair standing upright) AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
  • Han: We're toast.

Leia's Cell

  • Leia: (Luke enters the room) Aren't you a little square to be a stormtrooper?
  • Luke: (Dubbed as Chris Luke) Well, stay here and rot, you stuck-up bitch.
  • Leia: WAIT! Who are you?
  • Luke: I'm Luke Skywalker. Me, some noobies, and Obi-Wan have come to rescue you.
  • Leia: Well, it's about TIME Obi-Wan showed up. You'll never guess what they did to me here.


  • Leia: (Camera on outside of cell, and a loud whirring is heard) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH, MY EYES!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! AAAHHHHHHH!!! OOWWWW!!! MY NUTS!!! AAAHHHHHHH!!!! Wait a minute, I don't have any nu- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! MY TAIL IS NUMB!!!! OOOOOWWWWW!!! NOW I CAN'T FEEL MY ARMS AND LEGS!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! OOOOWWWWW!!!!... Oh, don't you even think about it, pal! Don't you dare- (Laughs) St-st-stop! Let go of my- (Laughs) I ca- I can't breathe! Okay, seriously stop it- (Laughs) If you don't cut it out, I'm gonna- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! MY NOSE!!!!!


  • Luke: What was with the laughing?
  • Leia: Are we gonna get the heck outta' this alamo, or what?
  • Luke: Alright, alright, c'mon! (Both exit cell)


  • Luke and Leia came in to see a fight going down!
  • Han: "TAKE COVER!"
  • Leia: TARNATION! (Shocktroopers are blasting their blasters at the group while they do the same thing) Them varmits is puttin up one hell of a firefight.
  • Han: That's some strong talk from a Princess.
  • Leia: Wha- look who's talking. I'd say you're more too girly to be a fighter.
  • Han: WHY I NEVER?!? (Shocktroopers almost blast him) WHOA NELLIE!
  • Leia: Someone PLEASE get me a blaster, and lemme show yall' how a REAL lady handles some bad guys.
  • Luke: Here, take mine.
  • Leia: (Grabs blaster) Well, you seem to be more of a gentleman. Or 'gentlesponge' in your terms. (Blasts down the attacking Shocktroopers with great precision) And THAT'S how you do it in Alderaan, yall'! (Blows smoke off of blaster)
  • Han: DAMN! That was some hot fighting! (Leia slaps her) OW!
  • Chewie: (Chuckles)
  • Han: Oh, ha-ha-ha, it is to laugh. I'M NOT A LESBIAN, YOU KNOW!!!
  • Chewie: Whoa, whoa, whoa, I didn't say you were a lesbian. Why would you think that? (Suddenly more Shocktroopers appear and blast at them)
  • Luke: BARNACLES! There's too many of them!
  • Han: We can't fight them all, we gotta get out of here!
  • Leia: (Notices trash chute) Hey, into the trash chute. (Jumps down) WHOOOOOOoooaaa...
  • Luke: You heard the marsupial, let's move! (Jumps down chute)
  • Leia: (From down the chute) I'M NOT A MARSUPIAL!
  • Han: C'mon, Chewie, we're gonna have to jump.
  • Chewie: Are you kidding? It's probably full of disease, I'm not going in there!
  • Han: JUST GET THE HELL DOWN THERE, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SMELL! (Smacks Chewie down the chute before jumping down herself)

Trash Compacting Room

  • Screams are heard as Leia, Luke, Chewie and Han crashed into the trash.
  • Luke: "Ewwwwwww!"
  • Leia: "Oh god, why did I thought going down the chute was a good idea."
  • A Trash creature (Dianoga) that looked like a giant eyed Kaa briefly surfaced.
  • Dianoga: Oh shoot! I took the wrong turn at Albekurque. (Goes back in)
  • Han: Oh, brilliant idea to jump into the freaking garbage, Princess Bushy Rat!
  • Leia: I happen to be more than just a simple 'Princess', miss! I am also a loyal Senator to the Rebellion, and I have the power to throw you into the SLAMMER if I have to, you anachromatic peacock!
  • Luke: Both of you SHUT UP!! There's no time to be beating each other up, we need to get out of this deathball and fast. I can assume Obi-Wan has already knocked out the tractor beam generator, and is waiting for us at the Falcon.
  • Leia: Then how do you propose we get out of here? (Suddenly the walls begin moving towards each other)
  • Han: Oh, how wonderful. You lead us into THE TRASH COMPACTOR!!!!!!
  • Leia: And it begins.
  • Luke: Guys, how could you begin fighting at a time like this? We're about to get smushed like a pancake!
  • Leia: "Uh, yeah, something tells me we shouldn't waste time being bitches on personal pride! I for one rather not become the garbage cube of the week!"
  • Han: Don't worry, I got this all covered. (Tries using flying speed to push the walls back, but it doesn't work, and she gets dizzy) Uhh... Roses are red, violets are blue, Jabba is fat and lives in solitude... (Faints)
  • Luke: Wonderful strategy, genius.
  • Han: (Recovers quickly) Oh, shut up. (All panic)
  • C-3PO: (He and R2 are still at the control panel, and see that the group is in the compactor) Oh, no! They're dying in there, what'll we do?
  • R2-D2: What do YOU think we should do, metal-pants? We push the button that stops it.
  • C-3PO: And which button might that be? (There are a million buttons on the panel)
  • R2-D2: Oh, bloodier-hell!
  • Chewie: I WANT MY MOMMY!!!!!!
  • Han: (Laughs) Who's laughing now?
  • Chewie: (Slaps him, and does the Chewie growl)
  • Han: Don't you GRRRAAARRR me!
  • C-3PO: Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!
  • R2-D2: Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn...
  • Leia: (They get cartoonishly compressed on as the walls continue to compact them) NOW I KNOW HOW THAT SQUIRREL FROM ICE AGE FEELS!!!
  • C-3PO: R2, NO!!! (The first button R2 presses actually stops the trash compactor, and the characters are literally and cartoonishly flat) WHEW!
  • R2-D2: Well, I'll be damned, that actually worked.
  • Luke: (Inflates himself with air, regaining his shape) UGGGHH!! It's a good thing we're in a cartoon.
  • Leia: (Does the same thing to regain her shape) UGGH!! I think my ears popped.
  • Han: (Inflates herself) UGGHH! How does that even work?
  • Chewie: (Inflates herself TOO much, and is like a balloon) Well, this is embarassing. (Sputters air, and regains her shape)
  • Luke: Well, at least we're okay.
  • Han kicks open the door.
  • Han: "Ok, now let's blow this pop- Hey wait a minute! Is that a couch?"
  • A couch was seen.
  • Han: "That..... That is a perfectly good couch. What is it doing down here? It looks like it could still last for alittle while longer. Hey Chewie, see if you can help me get this couch out of here and-"
  • Leia: (Shrugs) We don't have time for household appliances, horse-ass! (Grabs Han by the ear, and drags her away)
  • Han: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
  • The Camera pans onto the Couch as sad music plays as it shed a tear.....


  • A series of Shocktroopers march rampedly, as Shen emerges from the shadows.
  • Shen: "The empire's finest my tail feathers."
  • Shen walks down the hallway.
  • Shen: "The ship shouldn't be too far- Oh nuts."
  • A familier dragon shape is seen.
  • ???: "So, Obi-Wan. we meet again. (Vynder reveiled herself)..... I thought I was clear about the restraining order ever since you cut my back legs as well as my original ass and tail off! I have to get a robot legs, tail, and ass now, birdbrain!"
  • Shen: "Oh look at the plus-side, you won't get periods anymore."
  • Vynder: WHY YOU?!? (Activates tail-lightsaber, and fights Shen as he takes out his lightsaber)

At The Falcon

  • Han: (Leia is still pulling on her ear)... Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! YOU CAN LET GO OF MY EAR NOW, GIRL!
  • Leia: (Lets go of Han's ear) The fun wore off anyway. Let's just get the hell out of here.
  • R2-D2 and C-3PO: WAIT FOR US!!!!
  • Han: Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
  • Chewie: Goin', goin', goin', goin', goin', goin', goin'!
  • Luke: (Sees Shen and Vynder dueling) SHEN!
  • Shen: Oh, hey Luke! You came just in- (His head is cut off by Vynder's lightsaber) AW DAMN IT
  • Luke: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
  • Shen:... Hey it's true. The brain DOES stay alive after decapitation. (Dies)
  • Leia: LUKE, C'MON!!! (Luke enters the Falcon, and it takes off)
  • Han: Finally, we made it!
  • C-3PO: Sorry we couldn't get the plans to Alderaan, Princess Leia.
  • Leia: It's alright, we still have a chance.
  • Han: (To Luke) Alright, Lukey, we saved your bitchy princess, so I earned the credits, so hork it over. (Luke hands Han the money)
  • Luke: That should help you with your little Hutt problem.
  • Han: Actually, it doesn't, you owe me a bit more.
  • Luke: HEY, I didn't say I'd pay more than THAT for rescuing the Princess, did I?
  • Han: (Sighs) Fine!
  • Chewie: Look on the bright side, Han, at least you still have your dignity.
  • Han: Yeah, like THAT helps, Chewie. So, where would you like me to drop you off, Princess Nag?
  • Leia: WHY YOU!! (Luke stops her)
  • Luke: NO MORE FIGHTING, I MEAN IT! Now, answer the pony's question.
  • Leia: (Sighs) Is this gonna mean money?
  • Han: You know it.
  • Leia: (Hands Han money) Yavin 4, and make it snappy.
  • Han: Heading for Yavin 4! (Activates hyperspeed, and presses button that says 'Snappy') Hang on. (Ship enters hyperspace)
  • Shocktrooper: "Don't worry, Lord Vynder, we have an indestrucable battle station! We can still destroy Yavin 4!"
  • Vynder: "...... Your right. Matters not. Obi-Wan is lost to them. The rebels are doomed."

Chapter 7- The Plan

Outer Space

  • Luke: I can't believe Obi-Wan's dead, and it's all my fault.
  • Leia: Don't blame yourself, Luke. It ain't your fault Obi-Wan is dead. The only one to blame is Vynder. That scaly prosthetic ass-bitch. She destroyed my home. She makes me so mad, I could just eat a cactus.
  • Luke: I hate her two, Leia. But at least we'll still be able to kick her ass once we attempt to destroy the Death Star.
  • Han: Uh, Luke? We're not out of the clear yet. We've got TIE fighters on our 6:00! (Luke and Han get to the laser cannon cockpits, and the TIE fighters are seen coming in) Here they come. (They begin blasting at the TIE fighters)
  • Luke: (Blasts down a TIE fighter) Han? Why do they call them TIE fighters?
  • Han: It stands for 'Twin Ion Engines'. Either that or it's Chinese for 'Kickass'. (A Chinese guy drives a TIE fighter while chanting Chinese until Han blasts him down)
  • Luke: They're coming in too fast!
  • Han: Crap, if I had a nickel for every time that's happened, just keep shooting, Luke.
  • R2-D2: (Pokes out a window of the ship, and blasts a TIE fighter down with a laser gun) YEAH! That's how you fight in a Galactic War, bitch!
  • Han: (Luke and Han continue blasting down the TIE fighters) Okay, there's two left. We should--(TIE blasts the Falcon with a single shot) Whoa! OH MY, GOD! THEY JUST DENTED MY SHIP AGAIN! Oh, it's on, now! It's on! (Blasts TIE fighter down with one shot) BOOM!
  • Luke: I'll take the last one.
  • Han: No, I got it.
  • Luke: I'm pretty sure I got it.
  • Han: No, no, I got it.
  • Luke: You know what, let's both try and shoot it down. (Both do that) Well, I guess that's the end of that, kemo-sobby.
  • Han: Let's just get to Yavin 4. The sooner we get there, the better. (The ship continues it's course)

Yavin 4

  • The Falcon is seen landing in the forest.
  • Commander: Thanks to the Death Star plans we recieved from this R2 unit, we have a complete overview of the Death Star. It's meant for destroying planets just as Leia has told us had happened to Alderaan. The only weakness it has is a small hole. The shaft is only 2 meters across, so you'll have to use proton torpedos.
  • Rebel Soldier: That's impossible, even for a computer.
  • Luke: It's not impossible, I use to bullseye some womprats in my T-16 back home, they're not that much bigger than two meters.
  • Rebel Soldier:... I stand corrected.
  • R2-D2: (Whispering to a Rebel Soldier) Luke should probably get arrested for animal cruelty, am I right, or am I right?
  • Luke: I HEARD THAT! 
  • Leia: "Well everyone, now that we know what to do, let's suit up!"
  • Rebels: "HOO-RA!"

Ship Parking Room

  • Han: Alright, Luke, good luck out there.
  • Luke: Are you sure you won't be helping us on this mission?
  • Han: Sorry, I can't, I'm in huge debt to Jabba, and I gotta get it paid.
  • Chewie: I wouldn't mind helping you guys. (Han kicks her) OW! (Chewbacca growls)
  • Han: Chewie, we're in this together, you understand?
  • Luke: Well, then I guess I wish you luck. What did you get as a reward for saving the Princess, anyway?
  • Han: Well, let's see... (Takes out a basket) I got 10% out of Netflix Membership, uh, some nice Cracker Barrel cheddar, uh, some assorted lotions, uh, a champagne bottle full of jellybeans... And a little teddy bear... He seems kinda cute, though, doesn't he? (As the bear) "Hey, Luke, we had fun on the Death Star".
  • Luke: Well, take care of yourself, Han. I guess that's what you're best at. (Leaves)
  • Han: "Hey, it's not like I'm a coward or anything! It's just that you didn't add to the deal that I have to help you guys destroy a powerful death machince that's valued by an evil emperor! The deal was I busted the squirl and get paid!'
  • Luke: "..... You know, in hindsight, maybe we should've added that to the deal. Do we have to pay you extra?"
  • Han: "You know what, you guys needed your reshorses, I won't make you waste them."
  • Luke: "Understandable. I won't force you to risk your neck against an empire that would most likely declair you a wanted war criminal that'll start to come after you should the rebel allience be ineditably crushed. I mean, that would make paying Jabba pointless if now an entire Empire wants you dead, and they won't be easily bribed by money. So again, good luck."
  • Luke walks away.
  • Han: "...... He's trolling me to save him out in the end, is he?"
  • Chewie: Well, it wouldn't exactly hurt to get into some more action once in a while, would it?
  • Han:... Hmm...


  • The Rebels prepared for battle as they flew X-Wings and Y-Wings into outer space and towards the Death Star.
  • Squad Captain: Are you ready for action?
  • Luke: As we'll ever be, Captain.
  • Squad Captain: Alright, let's bust us up a ball!
  • Squad Member: You know, that's gross. (Fighters make it to the Death Star as the Imperials begin blasting at them)
  • Imperial Soldier: OPEN FIRE! (Death Star turrets fire at the Fighters)
  • Rebel Pilot: (Getting shot by a turret) AHHH!!! Must maintain control! (The turret blasts it again) I REGRET NOTHIIIIIIIIING! (His Fighter explodes)
  • Rebel Pilot 2: "Aw crap! We lost one of our guys!"
  • Rebel Commander: Just keep going, we've got a job to do.
  • Rebel Pilot 2: Roger that. (The Rebels continue their mission, and blow shit up)
  • Rebel Pilot 3: (TIE Fighters appear on the scene) HERE COMES THE CALVARY!!!
  • Rebel Commander: Oh, crap, that'll make it difficult. (Rebels and Imperials continue their fight)
  • Rebel Pilot 4: There's the trench!
  • Luke: But it's protected by a powerful deflector shield!
  • Rebel Commander: Looks like we're gonna have to take it out. (Rebel Fighters dive towards the deflector shield generators)

Inside the Death Star

  • Imperial Soldier Marty: We've analyzed their attack, sir, and there is a danger! Should I have your Galactic Ambulance standing by?
  • Moff Tarkin: EVACUATE?!? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances. (Uses inhaler) We'll destroy them, and we WILL win. Tell all the turbolaser cannons to stop firing. We don't want to blast down our TIE Fighters.
  • Imperial Soldier Marty: Yes, sir!
  • Imperial LT Makunga: "(Wispers) That overcomident sick giraffe is gonna get us killed!"
  • Imperial LT Tai Lung: "(Wispers) Let's blow this stand while we still can!"
  • Makunga and Tai Lung secretly escape while nobody was paying attention!

Outside Death Star

  • Luke: (One last deflector pillar is standing) Alright, this is the last one!
  • TIE Pilot: Oh, no, you don't, Rebel scum! (Begins blasting at the Rebel Fighters)
  • Rebel Pilot 3: MOTHER!!! (Fighter explodes)
  • TIE Pilot: BOOM BAM, BABY!
  • Luke: (Blasts down TIE Fighter) EAT LASERFIRE!
  • TIE Pilot: MOTHER!!! (Gets blasted down)
  • Luke: (Even though his driving sucks, he is able to blast down the deflector tower, taking down the shield) YES!!! I DID IT! I DID- WHOA!!! (Almost speeds into a wall, but is able to move out of the way) WHEW! I REALLY gotta take flying school after this. (He and 2 other X-Wing Fighters skim through the trench)

Inside Death Star

  • Moff Tarkin: YOU IDIOTS! YOU FAILED!!!
  • Imperial Soldier Marty: Should I start our evacuation now, sir?
  • Moff Tarkin: ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! We are NOT gonna- (Gets inhaler, and breathes in it)- Fail! Send Lord Vynder into the battle field. She shall dispose of them.
  • Imperial Soldier Marty: As you wish, sir.


  • Vynder: (Her personal TIE Fighter, along with two other TIE Fighters begin chasing the 3 X-Wing Fighters) Prepare to die, Rebel scum!

Chapter 8- The Force Is Strong With This One!

The Trench

  • Luke and the Rebel pilots are still in the trench.
  • Luke: "Oh yeah! Nothing's gonna ruin this! (A TIE Pilot destroys one of the X-Wing Fighters) EXCEPT THEM!"
  • Vynder: Don't let them reach the hole!
  • TIE Pilot: Yes, Lord Vynder!
  • Rebel Pilot 5: MAMA LUIGI! (Fighter explodes)
  • Vynder: Have fun in hell, Rebel!
  • Luke: Well... YouTube Poop reference aside, I've got a mission to complete. (TIE Fighters continue chasing the 2 other X-Wings)
  • TIE Pilot 2: EAT LASERFIRE, REBELHOLE! (Blasts other X-Wing down)
  • Rebel Pilot 6: MAMA MARIO! (Fighter explodes)
  • Luke: AW, C'MON, NOW THAT'S JUST RIDICULOUS!!! (Sighs) I guess it's up to me.
  • Vynder: This ends here and now!
  • Luke: Okay... (Prepares to end the mission quick, until...)
  • Shen's Voice: Use the Force, Luke!
  • Luke: Obi-Wan?
  • Shen: Use the Force to finish this mission. Just let go... (Luke continues flying through the Trench)
  • Vynder:... The Force is strong with this one! (Aims for Luke's X-Wing, and fires, hitting R2-D2)
  • R2-D2: AHHH!!! FUCK YOU YOU SON OF A BITCH!!! What am I, R2 Pack?

Yavin 4

  • Rebel Commander: The Death Star is getting closer!
  • Leia: Don't lose your cool, they'll win! I know they will!

Death Star Trench

  • Vynder: (Aiming for Luke's X-Wing) I have you now, young Skywalker! And with today's gas prices, not a minute too soon. (Suddenly one of the TIE Pilots gets blasted down by an incoming laser) WHAT THE DEUCE?!?
  • Han: (Flies down into the field with the Falcon) YA-HOO!!!
  • Chewie: I'm glad you decided to change your mind.
  • Han: Don't thank me just yet. (The other TIE Fighet loses focus, bumps into Vynder's TIE Fighter, then crashes and explodes. Then Vynder's TIE Fighter, having one of it's thrusters busted, drifts spinning into space)
  • Han: (Om communique to Luke) She's all yours, kid! Now let's blow this thing and go home! 

In the death star.

  • Grand Moff sees this!
  • Grand Moff: "Oh no! Private! Get my escape pod read-"
  • Imperial Private Marty was with LT Tai Lung and Makunga in the escape pod.
  • Marty: "Oh screw you, wack job! You don't come back in the sequals anyway, so enjoy death!"
  • The pod with them escapes!

In the Trench

  • Luke: Here we go... (Uses Force, and blasts the proton torpedos into the hole nicely) OH, YEAH!!!!!

Inside the Death Star

  • Imperial Soldier: (As the Imperials were preparing to blast Yavin 4) Governor Tarkin, they've blasted into the hole!!!


  • Shocktrooper: (Floating through space from the blast) MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
  • Rebels cheer!
  • Han cheers!
  • Luke: "Thank you, Obi-Wan."
  • Shen: "Anytime. Oh, I must warn you that they have strict rules about the dead interacting with the living, so, try not to call out for my help too much, cause I would only be aloud to interact with you if your about to die or discover a horrorable truth or something like that related to plot convenecne. I wasn't the one who founded those rules, I am just forced to follow them."
  • Luke: "...... Ok, Awkword knowledge there."
  • Shen: "Hey listen, I have to be gone for awhile, me and the other dead jedi from the prequil movies that Scroopfan won't be able to parody because Seth Mcfacale never made parodies for them are gonna catch up for old times sake. Though it looks like alot of them look scorned at me for letting Vynder kill me, and-..... Oh dear god, Mace Windo has a baseball bat! We'll talk another time, CHAO!"
  • Luke: "...... The barnicles was that about?"
  • The surviving ships return to Yavin 4

Chapter 9- Sweet Victory

Celebration of Victory

  • Leia: (Brings out medals to Luke and Han) I'm so proud of you, Luke.
  • Luke: Hey, it was nothing, Princess.
  • R2-D2: I promised myself I wouldn't cry!
  • C-3PO: I didn't! (Starts crying)
  • R2-D2: Okay, it's kind of weird that a robot can cry.
  • Chewie: VICTORY PARTY!!!!!! (Party horns sound, and the Rebels celebrate)
  • A scream was heard, as a siloette crashed through the roof!
  • Every looks to see the damaged Grand Moff.
  • Grand Moff: "I'm alive? I'm alive! I don't believe this! I'm alive! Oh thanks the devines I'm still-"
  • Lord Vynder's ship crushes Grand Moff dead on impact!
  • Vynder sees rebels.
  • Vynder: "Aw shit! NINJA SMOKE!"
  • Vynder disappears in a cloud of smoke!
  • Leia: "Well that was pointless, and not to mention something that really didn't happen in the real ending of star wars."
  • Han: "We're a parody babe, deal with it."
  • Leia: (Sighs) Don't start with me, Han! (Title card says 'THE END')


CMC Clubhouse

  • Scootaloo: The end.
  • Applebloom and Sweetie Belle had blank espressions.
  • Applebloom: "That's an.... Interesting view on the Star Wars movie."
  • Sweetie Belle: 'Uh, Scoots, Didn't Family Guy and Robot Chicken made Star Wars parodies?"
  • Scootaloo: You mean those TV shows that we aren't supposed to watch?
  • Sweetiebelle: Yep.
  • Scootaloo: Well... (Chuckles)... I haven't exactly seen them.
  • Applebloom: There's another question that's still hangin' in my mind, Scoo.
  • Scootaloo: What is it?
  • Applebloom:... Where'd you learn them cuss words?
  • Scootaloo: "Rainbow Dash, has her angry days."
  • Sweetiebelle: I actually think it's because we can hear the Shell Lodgers whenever they cuss.
  • Applebloom: Well, let's just forget we ever learned 'bout them in the first place.
  • Scootaloo: Agreed.
  • Sweetiebelle: So, how about we go swimming?
  • Scootaloo: HELL YEAH!!! (Covers mouth)
  • Sweetiebelle: (Face palms herself) Uhhgh!
  • Applebloom: I sure hope Applejack didn't hear that.
  • Applejack: (Comes into clubhouse) Oh, I heard it, alright.
  • Scootaloo: Oops.
  • Applebloom: Sorry about that, sis.
  • Applejack: Well, I guess I can't ground you for that, but the story you told, it was quite entertainin'.
  • Scootaloo: Really?
  • Applejack: Definitely. Do you think yall' could do it again sometime?
  • Applebloom: Sure, why not?
  • Applejack: Now, c'mon, sugar cube, let's get inside. Yer' lunch is ready.
  • Sweetiebelle: I should probably head home, too. Rarity is probably waiting for me.
  • Scootaloo: I should get back to Rainbow Dash, too. It still sucks that my real parents STILL haven't made an appearance in the show. But, who knows, they'll make an appearance in the 4th Season..... I, assume anyway.



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