Star Wars Episode 5: Shell Lodge Style is the 17th Episode of Season 3A of the SpongeBob and Friends Adventures Chronicles series. The Cutie Mark Crusaders decide to have a sleepover at Twilight's Castle with the Mane 6, and while Discord does spoil the party for a bit, Rainbow Dash tells them that the pegasi have to bring a storm for the night. So once the storm arrives, Scootaloo decides to tell another Star Wars story to the ponies (while Discord puts up a magical film reel of her story).


  • Princess Leia- Sandy
  • Han Solo- Rainbow Dash
  • Luke Skywalker- SpongeBob
  • Chewbacca- Pinkie Pie
  • C3PO- Djon
  • R2-D2- Creeper
  • Yoda- Shifu
  • Obi-Wan's Ghost- Lord Shen
  • Darth Vader- Cynder
  • Boba Fett- Alex
  • Emperor Palpatine- Chi-Fu
  • Lando Calrissian- Twilight Sparkle


Chapter 1- The Sleepover

Twilight's Castle

  • Rarity: You know, Twilight, it is rather nice of you to offer us to have a sleep over.
  • Twilight: Oh, of course.
  • Applebloom: Yeah, especially with us!
  • Rainbow Dash: Well, yeah...I think it's best that we stayed here until morning's supposed to be a big thunderstorm tonight.
  • Fluttershy:...Th-th-th-th-thunderstorm?!?
  • Applejack: Oh, don't fret, sugar-cube. We'll keep you comfortable. I mean, it ain't like one of us is scared of the thunder or any--(A thunderclap was heard as Applejack, Rarity, Spike, the Crusaders, and Fluttershy jumped in surprise and hid in random areas)
  • Rainbow Dash:...(Laughs) You were saying, AJ?
  • Applejack: Oh, shut up, Rainbow. You're at least used to fear since that haunted house.
  • Rainbow Dash: You'd better believe it. Nothing scares me. (Discord teleports behind her dressed as a vampire) No siree, not even a mouse.
  • Discord: BOOOOOOO!! (Rainbow Dash screams as she hid under a table) HAH! PRICELESS!! (Laughs)
  • Everyone: DISCORD!!
  • Discord: What? I can't join in a little slumber party?
  • Fluttershy: Well, at least you're giving me some comfort right now.
  • Scootaloo: Yeah. We are still a little scared of thunder ourselves. But the worst part of thunderstorms is when the power--(The power goes out)...goes off.
  • Twilight: "Wait, there's electrical wiring in this place? SINCE WHEN!?"
  • Pinkie: "The Communicater also works like a power generator. Kolwalski added that in so it can actselly work. How else did we managed to get a TV to work here to play that silly movie Patrick had?"
  • Twilight: "Wow.... The irony of that plan, is it not?"
  • Twilight: You're pretty much afraid of everything. Dragons, formerly Circues, and Stage-Fright as your most worse. 
  • Discord: Not to worry, allow me to shed a little light on the subject. (Summons a lantern) Poof! (He puts it in the middle of the castle map, which was not active, as the group circled around)
  • Rarity: Well... What do we do now?
  • Sweetie Belle: YEAH! Scoo, remember when you told us the story of Star Wars? Maybe you can tell us another one.
  • Discord: Oh, Star Wars? I never got to watch that movie since I was encased in stone when it came out.
  • Scootaloo: Well, allow me to introduce you. (Clears throat) A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away--
  • Discord: (Makes the table glow as the words were seen)...Go on.
  • Scootaloo:...Oookay...well...

Chapter 2- Hoth and Cold

Long long ago, in a galaxy far away that's somehow futuristic... Seriously, where DID that come from? How's something so long ago and yet in the future? That makes as much sense as the combined bad plots of Garbage Pail Kids and Sonic '06, I mean who writes this-

Intro (Star Wars Theme Song)
Star Wars Theme Song By John Williams-0

Star Wars Theme Song By John Williams-0

Star Wars Theme

"It is a dark time for the Rebellion. Although the Death Star has been destroyed, Imperial troops have driven the Rebel forces from their hidden base and pursued them across the galaxy. But you know this story. Besides, I bet you're wondering how the story between Vader and his kiddies are in this version, what with there being only one guy and with most of the cast being female. Well, it's a complicated story that we'd rather not take up the rest of this scroll explaining it to you. It's been a couple of years since the Shell Lodgers had this story to themselves, and loads have changed, and not just the story. And don't worry, the cast won't all be female, but there will be a fair amount of males to make up for it. Now let's see how our producers can make this parody as awesome as other parodies."



  • ???: "Space. The Final Fronteer. (A Star Trek Ship is seen) Myself and members of the Starship Enterprize travel across the galaxies and planets to-"
  • A Lazor blows it up!
  • It was reveiled to have came from the Star Destroyers.
  • Another voice: YEAH, WE'RE THE EMPIRE MOTHERF*****!! (The Star Destroyer released several small pods that headed to a snow planet, and crashed in the middle of the snowy wasteland. Two of them, which were played by none other than Scratch and Grounder, were seen. While Scratch landed in the snow, Grounder landed on a rock)
  • Scratch Drone: HEY, MORON, YA' MISSED! HA-HA-HAAAA!
  • Grounder Drone: Oh, shut up, antenna-dick! Let's just get the job done...and remind me to see a droid doctor after this. (They left)


  • Luke (SpongeBob): (A familiar square figure was see riding on a tauntaun as it made noises)
  • Luke stop and took out a binoclieers and scouted the area.
  • Luke saw this.
  • Luke: ".... Wow. Luigi is espeically harsh this time around."
  • Luke pulls out a radio.
  • Luke: "Han, this is Luke."
  • A voice: "SKEE, Sorry, Han Solo isn't here, SKEE, can you call her by her PROPER name?"
  • Luke: "Han, we've been over this, we-"
  • Luke: (Sighs) Dashing Wonderbolt, do you copy?
  • Han: Dashing Wonderbolt here, go ahead.
  • Luke: You know, Han, with that code name, people will think you're an idiot.
  • Han: Oh, please, I told it to everyone, and I didn't see THEM laughing. Anyway, what is it you wanted?
  • Luke: I just saw Luigi being a jerk to his brother, but nothing else suspicious...except...(He sees another drone crashing)...except a crashed object coming out of the sky. That wasn't you, was it?
  • Han: No way, dude, I'd NEVER be able to fly properly in this intense weather. I'd be blown around and torn apart for the tauntauns to gnaw on.
  • Luke: Well, then, I guess I should check it out.
  • Han: Well, be careful, we've detected a few hostile lifeforms in your area.
  • Luke: Oh, please, I'm armed with a glowing stick that can hurt when you touch the blade, what could possibly go wrong- AAHHH!! (A smaller whiter Insectasaurus roared as it knocked Luke out and dragged him away)...

Rebel Base.

  • Han: "HE DID NOT JUST SAY WHAT COULD GO WRONG?! That is, the most karma provoking words, anyone could make!? GOOD GOD, HE'S AN IDIOT?!"
  • Chewbacca (Pinkie): "Well what did you expect? He did sort've became a glorly hog when he beaten the empire awhile back. And he did sort've provoked the empire to come after us again after the movie he released in Genovis studios had Vynder WAY too basturdised as a moron."


  • Luke was being phrasied for the movie he made.
  • Luke: "Thank you, thank you. I would like to thank the empire for turning out to be the dumbest bunch of people I've met. I mean seriously, how can a dragon NOT handle A SPONGE?!"
  • Luke and the people started to laugh!
  • Han: "Uh, Luke? You sure releasing a movie from Genovis Studios and making Vynder looking like a complete idiot was a good idea? Are you SURE it's not gonna provoke them into igniting a new war with us within the war we currently have?"
  • Luke: "Pfft! I'm sure Vyndy butt doesn't mind!"


  • Han: What would doing something like that accomplish, anyway?
  • Chewbacca: Well, he was just having too much sugar at that time.
  • Chewbacca: What can I say? I like a good laugh.
  • Han: Well, I'd better go out and find him before we both head out and deal with that debt we owe to Jabba. If I don't have that money soon, he's gonna have me in carbonite for a fancy decoration or something.
  • Chewbacca: HA! He'd probably just kill you.
  • Han: Yeah, anyway, I'd better get moving. (Gets on a tauntaun and heads out)

Icy Cave

  • Luke: (He is seen hanging from the top on ice as he wakes up)...Uhhgh, why did I think that saying 'what could possibly go wrong' was a good idea? (Searches for his lightsaber) Where my lightsaber? WHERE IS IT?!?...Oh, there it is. (Sees it in the snow, and tries to reach it) Damn these stubby arms!...(He suddenly tries using the Force, but as he tries, he ends up farting in the process)...Oh, for the love of Lucas! (Stretches his arm out and grabs the lightsaber, and cuts the ice and frees himself) Whew! That was too easy. (A roar was heard as the Wampa Insectasaurus appeared) YAAAHHH!! (He cuts the arm off of Wampa Insectasaurus as he runs off)

Outside Cave

  • Luke: And that was too easier! Now I just find my way back to base, and...WHERE THE F*** AM I GOING?!?
  • Echo: GOING, GOING, going, going...
  • Luke:...(Sighs) I'm froze!...Well, at least I can do something while I search my way through this...I sure hope there's a Krusty Krab somewhere around here, I like their pizza.


  • Luke: The Krusty Krab Pizza, is the pizza, absolut-iv-aly! (Later) Ppp-pppp-ppp-pppppp pizza, pppp-ppp-pppp-ppp-ppppp pizza, pp-ppp-ppp-da-da (Later) Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do pizza...(His rear splits into two) (Later) KRUSTY KRAAA-YEAH-YEAH-YEAH-YEAH-YEAH-YEAH-YEAH-PIZZA, IS THE PIZZA, YEAH, FOR YOU AND...MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! (Later, he appears exhausted)...Pizza...uhhgh...errgh...Pizza...uughh...eerrggh...(Later, he is seen laying on the snow frozen)
  • ???: Luke...Luke?...Please don't be dead, you're one of the main characters!
  • Luke:...Shen? (Obi-Wan's (Lord Shen) ghost appeared)
  • Obi-Wan: Oh, good, for a minute there, I thought you were stoned...or rather, iced in another term.
  • Luke: Sheeen...
  • Obi-Wan: Luke, you must go--
  • Luke: Sheeen...
  • must go--
  • Luke: Sheeeennn...
  • Obi-Wan: Uh, Luke, you need to listen, you need to go to the Da--
  • Luke: Sheeen...
  • Luke: Sheeeennnn...
  • Obi-Wan: Okay, you're lost! Freeze to death, see if I care! (Disappears)...(Reappears again) Okay, I didn't really mean that, just...just go to the Dagobah System! (Disappears, and right where he was, Han appeared on her tauntaun)
  • Han: LUKE, THERE YOU ARE!! I thought you would be buried in the snow, and you'd be more lost to me than my old pet turtle! Man, was that a difficult time.
  • Luke: Yoda...Dagobah System...Yoda...Han...Howard Stern...Morbid Krabs!
  • Han: Hmm, it looks like you'll need some warmth, kid. And crap, did I forget to bring my extra-warm blanket. (Looks at her tauntaun, and snaps it's neck as it fell to the ground, and then she tried to pick up the lightsaber)...Uh-oh, no fingers....(Sighs) You can't be serious...


  • Han: (Scratch marks appeared on her face from the lightsaber) Hate having no opposable thumbs. Alright, Luke, this may smell bad, but it'll keep you warm until morning...that's if you don't suffocate.
  • Luke: Haaaannn... (Cradles up in the gooey wound)
  • Han:...(Hurls in the snow)...Urrghh...and I thought they smelled bad...on the outside! (Takes deep breaths)

Later, again.

  • Luke was inside a tank filled with blue goo.
  • Han: ".... Well, I ended up killing a member of an endangered spieces since we don't see alot of these things outside mine and yours which seemed to have disappeared, but at least your alive."
  • Leia (Sandy): (She appears) Hey, uh, Han, Chewie told me you were leaving after you rescued Luke. I thought you said you were going to stay.
  • Han: Well, I can't. You know that Jabba is giving me a pain in the flank. I should leave right now if you don't wanna be caught in his crossfire, princess.
  • Leia: But you can't leave now! You're a grand leader, and you've gotten us this far with battling the Empire. We need you.
  • Han: Oh, I'm sure those guys can do great without me. But if it'll make you happy, I can come back as soon as my debt problem is solved.
  • Leia: Oh, please, Jabba is a real money-hogging douche, anyway. What has that guy ever done for you?
  • Han: Nothing important, but you know he could make bitches like you dress up in bikinis and dance for them if he wanted. Something that I'm sure all his alien rapist friends will enjoy.
  • Han: Who's scruffy-looking? Besides, I am not saying it to be intentionally offencive, I'm just saying that Jubba has a bad habit of doing it to almost every girl he meets! I'm lucky I was an exception cause the fat tub of alien lard isn't a brony!
  • Leia: You know what? Fine! Leave! Go get yourself killed if that's what you want. See if I care! Just don't let our boring dreams of freedom hit you in the butt on the way out. (Leaves)
  • Han: OKAY, I WILL!! (Sighs) Well, I can't leave Luke sitting in this bacta tank all day. I need to watch over him until he recovers. (Sighs)


  • Vynder: (Star Destroyers appeared flying across space as the Imperial March music was heard, and Vynder used her tail lightsaber to crush a mailbox on a small meteor, and rolled up the window)...Good thing these windows have fields that prevent air from coming out. That makes smashing mailboxes much more fun. (Walks down the hall as Shocktroopers and Imperial Troopers panicked at the sight of him)...Alright, you two, what's the status on locating those disgusting Rebels?
  • Imperial #1 (Junjie): "Well, so far, we mostly have pictures of snow."
  • Imperial #2 (Nuka (Anthropomorphic)): "Well, that, and this weird picture of a stack of plates placed next to each of eachother." (Shows a picture of a generator.)
  • Imperial 2: ".... But why does it look like a stack of plates?"
  • Vynder: You seriously haven't heard of a DSS-02 shield generator? Sometimes designs are random. The point being that the Rebels are hiding out on Hoth!
  • Imperial #1: There are so many uncharted settlements, My Lord! It could be a mistake.
  • Vynder: I do not want any doubts, Admiral Ozzel! You have been a bit of trouble lately, so don't push it! Anyway, Piett, prepare the ships for battle! We're setting our course for the Hoth System!
  • Imperial #2 (Piett): Yes, My Lord! It will be done!


  • Chewbacca: (She and Han were preparing the rainbow-streaked Millennium Falcon to leave) Take care of yourself, Luke.
  • Luke: You two, Chewie. I hope you two can live up to the promise you made to Leia about coming back as soon as you finish your little escapade.
  • Chewbacca: Oh, we promise! We're the best ones to keep a promise, isn't that right, Han?
  • Han: Oh, of course. Blowing up that flying ball of planetary death was invigorating. But I know for sure that Jabba would make us all intended targets if you tried to defend me from him.
  • Luke: Well, thanks for saving my life.
  • Han: Hey, don't mention it.
  • Luke: (Leaves)
  • Chewbacca: What a nice sponge.
  • Han: Yeah. Haven't had this much excitement with him for quite a while since we first met him.


  • Imperial #3 (Hades): (The Imperial fleet, along with the larger Executor ship were facing the planet. The Imperial approached Vynder as she was meditating in a small pod) Lord Vynder, we've entered the Hoth System, but the rebels have put up an energy shield blocking our entry. What're we gonna do now, buddy?
  • Vynder: HMMPH! I should've known not to trust Admiral Ozzel with this fleet. He brought us out of lightspeed too quickly.
  • Imperial #3: (Chuckles) Yeah, I had that problem with a chick the other night.
  • Vynder: Okay, gross, I didn't need to know that. Just get ready for the attack. We'll have to do a full frontal assault on the base. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some business to take care of. (Activates a holographic screen)
  • Imperial #1 (Ozzel): Well, Lord Vynder, we're out of lightspeed, and--(Lord Vynder chokes him with the Force) AAHHKK!! AAHHHKKK!!
  • Vynder: You have failed me for the last time, Ozzel! Your sheer incompetence have caused the Rebels to notice us! We were supposed to do this stealthily!
  • Vynder: There are no more chances for you, fool! (Kills Ozzel).
  • Imperial 3: "Yowza."
  • Vynder brings up Imperial 2.
  • Vynder: Alright, Captain Piett, Ozzel has been, uncerimoaniously retired. It's up to you now. Make ready to land our troops beyond the energy field, then deploy the fleet so that nothing leaves the system. You're in charge now, ADMIRAL Piett!
  • Vynder: Well, do not think that I will accept stupidity from you, Piett! We Imperials do not have time for stupidity! You have your orders, now carry them out!
  • Piett: Yes, My Lord! I am on it!


  • The Millendium Falcon entered space.
  • Chewbacca: "Hey, Han? Do the rebels usually fly ships that look like giant cake slicers?"
  • Han: NO, THOSE ARE IMPERIAL STAR DESTROYERS, YOU IDIOT!! (Pinkie gives her a sad face)...Okay, sorry, I--(The ships blasted at them) AW, CRAP!!!
  • Chewbacca: We can't avoid them, they've got us in their sights!
  • Han: (Shrugs) So much for getting Jabba off my flank! Looks like we need to get back to this frozen hunk of a planet. (Turns around and goes back to Hoth)

Chapter 3- Imperial Invasion

Hoth Base

  • A rebel soldier: "Uh, Princess, this may seem odd, but it appears that Han Solo is making a u-turn back to us."
  • Leia: "Ha, so she desided that we are impourent to her after all!"
  • Rebel Soldier: "Actselly, it was most likely because of the blockade of imperial ships. Honestly Princess, aren't you over reacting to this abit? She didn't meant to offend you about the Jubba comment, she was just talking about a personal exspearience."
  • Leia: Well, I'll deal with Han in due time. Right now, we have that Imperial fleet to worry about. So we're evacuating into outer space, with literally infinite directions in which to flee. The Imperials will possibly be ready to destroy our shield generators so that the fleet can enter safely and kill us all. Estimated touchdown is about an hour. So let's get moving! (They all get ready and jump into some Snowspeeders)
  • Luke: (Jumps into a Snowspeeder) Alright, it's time for action! (The Snowspeeders fly off)


  • Vynder: (Sees a few Rebel ships flying into their area) Hmm, looks like Rebel Ships are entering this sector! BRING THEM DOWN!! (The ships enter hyperspeed before they could fire)...DAMMIT!! WHO WAS IN CHARGE OF THE WEAPON SYSTEMS?!?
  • Imperial #4: (Appears with goofy eyes) Sorry, my lord, I'm trying my best!
  • Vynder:...Who made that man a gunner?
  • Imperial #5: I did, my lord! (Another imperial with goofy eyes appeared) He's my cousin!
  • Vynder:...Uh, who is he?
  • Imperial #3: He's an asshole, mam!
  • Vynder: I know that, but what is his name?
  • Imperial #3: That is his name, Asshole, mam, Major Asshole.
  • Vynder: And the other guy?
  • Imperial #3: He's an Asshole, too, mam, Gunner First Class Damian Asshole.
  • Vynder:...HOW MANY ASSHOLES ARE IN THIS FLEET?!? (Everyone in the room raised their hands)...I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes!...No wonder Ozzel was a total idiot...and Piett!
  • Imperial #3: Oh, don't worry, mam, they are trained professionals. They just have a few sight problems, that's all. (Vynder sighs)

Hoth Base

  • Rebels formed a huge group around the area.
  • Mantis and Monkey were among the front row of Rebel soldiers.
  • Mantis: ".... So.... We're offitcally gonna be attacked by the empire, eh?"
  • Monkey: "Oh, I'm sure it won't be so bad. As long as they don't have like, I don't know, giant robot camels or anything."
  • Mantis: (Looks into some binoculars and sees some AT-ATs)...Ah, look, giant robot camels. Besides, they're called AT-ATs.
  • Monkey: Uh...what does that stand for?
  • Mantis: All Terrain Armored Transport. And AT-STs are All Terrain Scout Transport. Seriously, don't you study about these Imperial weapons when fighting them?
  • Monkey: Well, no, but I still study other things. We--(Suddenly, heave lasers streak across them)
  • Monkey/Mantis: HOLY S***!!!
  • Mantis: ATTACK!! (The Rebels took cover and attacked)
  • Monkey: Wow, these lasers are STRONG!! (An AT-AT shoots down a turret tower)
  • Mantis: AAAHHH, THIS STUFF IS TOO LOUD FOR MY SMALL EARS--(He gets blasted into pieces)
  • Monkey: Aw, crap! (Snowspeeders appeared in the battlefield)
  • Luke: Echo Station 5-7, we're on our way!
  • Voice: Great! We'll see you in--(A blast was heard)
  • Luke:...Uh...Echo Station 5-8, we're on our way.
  • Voice: Hurry, I think they're gonna--(Another blast was heard)
  • Luke:...Uh...are ANY Echo Stations still standing?
  • 3 Voices: WE ARE!
  • Luke: Then we'll split up and get you out of there!
  • Voice: Hurry! And just take it nice and easy when you're flying that thing.
  • Luke: No problemo! Nice and EASYYYYYYY!!! (Full throttles the Snowspeeder towards the AT-ATs) HAHAHAAA!!
  • Luke: I wouldn't expect YOU to understand. The X-Wing's the only ship I've been comfortable with since I got off of Tatooine!
  • Back Driver: Oh, PLEASE, anyone can pilot these things!
  • Luke: Just shut up, we're in a war! (They continue battling the AT-ATs, and Luke's Snowspeeder was able to use it's tow cable and spin it around one of the AT-AT's legs, and it detached the cable as the AT-AT fell to the ground)...(Scoffs, and takes a picture of the AT-AT's rear with his iPhone)...and...send!...Wow, it became a meme on Facebook already?
  • Back Driver: LUKE, FOCUS ON FLYING!!
  • Luke: Sorry. (He blasts the fallen AT-AT to pieces with the help of other Snowspeeders) KABOOM!!

Inside AT-AT

  • Imperial #3: Yes, Lord Vynder, the shield will be down in moments. You may begin your landing.
  • Vynder: Excellent! We shall prepare for our descent. As for me, I shall find that Skywalker d*** and make him pay for humiliating me publicly!
  • Imperial #3:...Oooookay, I won't question that. Good luck out there.

Hoth Battlefield

  • The AT-ATs were chaseing the rebels.
  • Rebel #2: Because they have control of the Integalactic Banking Clan, so they have all the money they want to building these things. The rest of us have to deal with our own money supply.
  • Rebel #1: (Sighs) Why don't WE have that stuff? Why does the Empire have to have ALL the good stuff?
  • Rebel #2: Uh, that's why we're fighting them, genius! They make things harder for us to free the galaxy from their evil.
  • Rebel #1: Oh, I'm so mad, I could just smack the Emperor in the jaw for doing all this bulls***!
  • Rebel #2: LOOK OUT!! (They duck as the AT-ATs blast down the shield generator)
  • Luke: (He continues flying in the Snowspeeder towards an AT-AT, but then it is able to shoot him down) OH, NO! I'M HIT!! I'M HIT!!
  • Back Driver: THE EJECTOR SEATS!!
  • Luke: Aye-aye, sir! (Does some work on the seats) There we go, I fixed the problem. Someone could get hurt being launched out of this thing.
  • Back Driver:...Why do I even bother! (The Snowspeeder crashes on the ground, and the Back Driver is killed in the process)
  • Luke:...(Jumps out of the Snowspeeder before an AT-AT steps on it) WHOA!! That was a close one!

Hoth Base

  • Han: (Flies quickly down the hall dodging people)
  • Han: (Appears in front of Leia, C3P0 (Djon), R2-D2 (Creeper), and General Rieekan (Shining Armor)) Alright, I'm here, did I miss anything.
  • Rieekan: Well, you did make it in time. But I suppose you lead the Imperial fleet directly to our location.
  • Han:...Uh...Oops. (A tremor was heard)
  • Voice: IMPERIAL TROOPS HAVE ENTERED THE BASE!! IMPERIAL TROOPS HAVE ENTERED--(A thump and a microphone whoosh was heard) Sorry, I dropped the...thing, IMPERIAL TROOPS HAVE ENTERED THE BASE!!
  • Leia: "Nice one, moron!"
  • Han: "Hey at least I came back! The least I can do to make up for it is to get ya out of this refrigerator!?"
  • Leia: Well, you'd better. If you get us captured after all this, I am going to strangle you!
  • Han: I dare you to try it, buck-tooth! (They leave at the same moment that Vynder appears)
  • Vynder: I want the princess captured immediately. They must not leave this area!
  • Shocktrooper #1: Yes, sir! (Vynder suddenly force chokes the Shooktrooper)
  • Vynder: "I'M A FEMALE, JACKASS!?"
  • Shocktrooper #1: Sorry, your's hard to determine your gender with that mask on...AHHKK!!

Hoth Battlefield

  • Luke: (He ran towards an AT-AT, and used a grappling hook to get up onto the bottom of it, uses his lightsaber to cut a hole inside, and then got out a grenade, and prepared to throw it. When he looked inside, he saw someone using a toilet)
  • Guy: (Screams like a girl)
  • Luke: Oh, I am so sorry, sir, I... Aw, why am I apologizing, you're with the Empire. (Throws the grenade, and gets down from the AT-AT as it exploded)
  • The AT-AT begins to fall on itself.
  • Luke leaped off dramaticly slow-mo screaming!

Hoth Base Hangar

  • Leia: (C-3P0 screams like a girl as the group enters the Millennium Falcon) I hope this bucket of bolts gets us across that fleet. There must be about 16 Star Destroyers the size of asteroids out there!
  • Chewbacca: Oh, of course we can get past them. We've been through many other adventures that are only told of on Wookieepedia and in books, so I'm pretty sure we can outmaneuver the laser-fire of several Star Destroyers.
  • Han: Damn right! Besides, anywhere is better than this frozen hunk of rock. Alright, Chewie, punch it!
  • Chewbacca: Okey-dokey-lokey! (They blast off in the Falcon as Vynder and some Shocktroopers arrived)
  • Vynder:...CURSES!! If only I didn't slowed myself down choking an idiot!


  • Luke reaches another part of the base that had the X-Wing in it.
  • R2-D2: "About time, ya bloodly twat! We need to get out of here, there's imperials everywhere! They'll litterally be the death of us!"
  • Luke: Look, I had to walk all the way back here from where I took out that AT-AT, and basically had to do it with one guy taking a s***, so don't complain! Let's just get a move on. (They get into the X-Wing, and blast off into a certain direction in space)
  • R2-D2: Uh, this isn't the way to the rendezvous point.
  • Luke: We're not meeting up with the others. We're going to the Dagobah System.
  • R2-D2: Oh what for? That planet is a sack of slime! Nobody can live there without being stuck in tar or mud, or getting eaten by vicious predatory--
  • Luke: Look, we'll be back with the others before you know it, okay? I'll explain why we're going on the way. (They fly off)

Chapter 4- Space Chase

Another Area in Space

  • Han: (The Millennium Falcon was seen being chased by Star Destroyers and TIE Fighters that were blasting at them, and one of them put a dent on the ship) AW, COME ON, THEY JUST DENTED MY SHIP AGAIN!!
  • Leia: "I think our ACTUAL lives are A BIT MORE IMPOURENT THEN YOUR SHIP, HAN?!"
  • Han: "Hey trust me, my valuement to this ship is more then JUST because it's exspensive to repair! I'll explain when we're NOT about to get killed by by an empire of trained killers!" (He pilots the Falcon across the streaks of laser fire and they see two more Star Destroyers in front of them) Aw, crap, there's two more of them dead ahead!
  • C3PO: WHAT'LL WE DO?!?
  • Han: It's okay, I think I can outmaneuver them! (She pilots the ship downwards as the 3 Star Destroyers go past each other, and the TIE Fighters continue chasing them) BLAST, these guys don't know how to quit!
  • Chewbacca: Well, of course they don't, silly, they're supposed to eliminate any threat to them no matter what the risk.
  • Han: I didn't need a word from you, Chewie! Don't worry, I have a plan to avoid them. (They blast right toward an asteroid field and enter)
  • Han: Well, it's the best chance we got of keeping these things from bugging us.
  • C-3PO: YOU'RE JOKING!! The possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field is approximately 123 million to one!
  • Han: NEVER tell me the odds! I DEFY odds! I eat odds for breakfast!
  • Chewbacca: Really? Do they taste like ice cream?
  • Han: (Sighs) Why do I even bother? (They pilot across the asteroid field as they outmaneuver the TIE fighters)
  • Majora's Moon is seen in the asteriod field.
  • Han: "Wow, we're REALLY ranking up on the Nintendo camios here." (They continue flying across the asteroid field as TIE Fighters were getting picked off by the asteroids)
  • Han: Hey, we're like the main characters in this movie, I'm sure we'll be fine. (They suddenly reach a large asteroid as they are able to avoid the last of the TIE Fighters)
  • Chewbacca:...Wow...I actually thought we wouldn't make it.
  • Han: Really?
  • Chewbacca:... I mean, yes, I knew we'd make it.
  • Han: Great. Now let's find somewhere to land and fix up the damages. Oh, there's a good spot. (They find a deep crater with a handicap tag on it)
  • C-3PO: Hey, what're you doing, you can't park there! (Han puts up a handicap card on the back-view mirror)
  • Leia: You ain't handicapped!
  • Han: I get dizzy when flying real easily. When I do, I usually get sick for days.
  • C-3PO: I'm-I'm just going to state up-front that I'm not comfortable with this. (They pilot into the crater)
  • Leia:... I hope you know what you're doing.
  • Han: Oh, trust me, toots, I know a safe place when I see it. I'm sure we'll be fine. (They enter a small place with stalactite-like structures on the top and bottom of the cave, only for a soft moan to be heard)

Chapter 5- Dagobah System

Dagobah Atmosphere

  • The X-Wing flies around the skies of the Dagobah system.
  • Bugs hit R2-D2.
  • Luke: "YOW, THAT'S ALOT OF BUGS?!"

Swamp of Dagobah.

  • The X-Wing crashed into the waters of the Swamp!
  • Luke came out.
  • Luke: ".... Wow, Dagobah is a mess. Can you imagine anyone living here?"
  • Suddenly, the Trash creature (Kaa) from Star Wars Episode 4: Shell Lodge Style rose up again.
  • Trash Creature: "Oh darn it all, another wrong turn at Albaquirky!"
  • The Trash Creaure went back in!
  • Luke: "Ok, R2. Let's head on out."
  • R2-D2: Okay, then. If this Yoda guy is so important to you, then I won't question it. Just...whoa...WHOOOAAHHH--(Falls into the water)
  • Luke: R2!! (R2 pokes out his aquatic peeker eye)
  • R2-D2: (Semi-gurgling) I'm okay!
  • Luke:...You need to be a lot more careful.
  • R2-D2: (Semi-gurgling) Oh, come on, you'd be in a bit of a pickle if YOU were to fall in here. You're a sea sponge, and you're not meant to handle freshwater! I...uh...what is that? (Luke sees a large object in the water) AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
  • Luke: R2!!! (Takes out his blaster, but R2-D2 leaps out)
  • R2-D2: AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!! (Crashes into a tree and slides down into the mud where Luke picks him up) Owch!
  • Luke: R2, are you okay?
  • R2-D2: I think so. Bloody hell, what else do you think is in this swamp? (A familiar object appears from the water)
  • Luke: NOT ALLOWED!!
  • Voice: (As the object quickly goes back in the water) Okay!


  • R2-D2: (They wander across the swamp) OH, MAN, WE'RE GONNA DIE IN THIS PLACE!!
  • Luke: Oh, no, we won't! As long as we don't go near any deep waters, I think we're okay.
  • R2-D2: But where are we gonna find some shelter? Our X-Wing is stuck in the swamp, and nobody even knows where we are! Are you sure you're looking on the right planet?
  • Luke: Oh, I'm sure. Shen would never lie to me. Yoda is somewhere around here. Don't know what he looks like though, but I have heard stories about him being the master of the Jedi Council of old. Jedi are nearly extinct now.
  • R2-D2: Yeah, no kidding. With Shen dead, I'm sure only you and this Yoda character are the last of these Jedi.
  • Luke: Hey, there's an old hut over there! (They see a hut with Chinese carvings on it, and Chinese-like architecture)
  • R2-D2: Wow...what a nice place. I never thought someone could live on this mudball.
  • ???: Nobody else lives here. (A familiar figure appears, and Yoda (Shifu) appears) This planet is too inhospitable for beings to live here.
  • R2-D2: YIKES, A GOBLIN!!!
  • Yoda: What? I am NOT a goblin, I'm a...uh...actually, the Star Wars saga never told the actual name of my species. By the way, Luke, I am the one you are looking for. I am Yoda.
  • Luke: YOU'RE Yoda? Huh...I thought you'd be taller. Anyway, will you teach me the ways of the Force?
  • Yoda: "Ok, but I am NOT gonna do that weird talking thing. I mean, if Chewbacca is not stick to the always growling thing, I'm not gonna do the weird talk thing."
  • Luke: "Oh.... Wait, how do you know about her?"
  • Yoda: "Two things: My mistical connections to the force..... And that this swamp is FILLED with Star Wars episode 4 mercentdise."
  • Yoda points to loads of Episode 4 mercentdise sitting in a giant pile.
  • Luke: "..... Huh. So that's what happens to mercentdise that didn't get sold."
  • Yoda: "Yep... (Sigh), They end up here. It's wasteful to be honest. But at least it's not as bad as the constint video game references."
  • Kriby appeared!
  • Kirby: "KIRBY!"
  • Crash Bandicroot ran through, ya-hooing!
  • DK ran through!
  • Banjo was seen being chased by Golden Frogs!
  • Yoda: "..... Ya see what I'm saying?"
  • Luke: "Wow. And you live here?"
  • Yoda: "Well, originally I lived in a fantastic condo in Utapau, but thanks to Vynder, that would be the first place they'd look at! I keep to a seemingly unknown swamp because they dumped me here never to return.
  • R2-D2: "It clearly isn't THAT unknown of previous episode mercentdise gets dumped here."
  • Yoda: Well, my point is that it is my duty to teach you the ways of the Force. (Jumps to the ground) Are you ready, my new apprentice?
  • Luke:...Let's do it.


  • Leia: (Repairing the ship and does a few engineering modifications as Han appeared) Alright, I pulled this all apart, and it looks like you're gonna need a new condenser.
  • Han: Really?
  • Leia: Yeah, and I'd also recommend a full flushing of the photon-conversion system.
  • Han: I swear I just did that a while ago.
  • Leia: Wait...I'm familiar with this part of the story...isn't this the scene where we make out?...(The two of them laugh)
  • Han: HAH! Like I'm actually gonna make out with a female! (Laughs) Why did the producer get a female character to cast me, anyway?
  • Leia: I wouldn't worry about it. Let's just get that new condenser.
  • Han: And how are we gonna order a new condenser inside the crater of a meteorite? Nobody will be able to find us here, let alone get past the Imperials out there.
  • Leia: Not to worry, I always come prepared. (Takes out a new condenser)
  • Han: HAH! If I was a male, I'd make out with you RIGHT NOW! (The two laugh)


  • Vynder: (A flush was heard inside a cubicle as Vynder came out) How does the actual Darth Vader take a bathroom break, anyway, let alone eat? How does he survive? Does he have his own feeding system or something? (Suddenly, something called her)...Master!...Looks like I finished my shift just in time. (She enters her meditation room and then gets onto a kneepad)... What is thy bidding, my master? (Emperor Palpatine (Chi Fu) appeared with the same gray face in a hologram)
  • Emperor: Well, my apprentice, it appears there is a great disturbance in the Force.
  • Vynder: I have felt it... In fact, it came during my shift. Thought it was my period a while ago, then I realized that I don't have a good va--
  • Emperor: I do not need to know that, Vynder! Besides, that isn't even what I mean! You know what all this means, do you?
  • Vynder: That we have a new enemy?
  • Emperor: Exactly. I have no doubt that Anakin Skywalker's son is still alive.
  • Vynder: Really?... Well... How did that happen?
  • Emperor: I'm afraid I must tell you at another time. The thing that you must do is to find this son and turn him to the Dark Side. Trust me, if this guy was capable of wrecking our Death Star and pulling off a successful prison break of that Alderaan princess, then he's WAY too dangerious to fight for good guys. In fact, you may've gotten reports that some AT-ATs got wrecked by him. Those things are usually unstoppable!
  • Vynder: I will not fail you, my master.
  • Chi Fu: Great. You're dismissed. (His hologram message disappears)
  • Vynder:... Huh... My son is still alive? I mean, I know that I'm no longer entitled by that name, but it's still what I once was. I'd better get this problem checked out immediately- GA'OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, TOO SOON!? Now the big surprise at the end isn't gonna be too surprising for the audience!...Well, I guess it wouldn't be anyway since people have seen the original movies and know what's coming.


  • Shifu: (Luke stretches for a bit)...Alright, that's good, stretch it out so we can start the training.
  • Luke: I'm ready, Master Yoda. I'm ready to become a Jedi!
  • Shifu: You sure? Because it usually takes YEARS for a rookie to learn how to properly use the Force...(Throws up several plates of rock)...and years longer for that rookie to completely master it! (He uses the Force to smash the rocks together as they rained down on top of Luke, who was surprised, and picked up a rock) PUT THAT DOWN!! THE ONLY SOUVENIRS WE COLLECT HERE ARE BLOODY KNUCKLES AND BROKEN BONES!!
  • Luke: Ohh, that sounds WAY better than broken rocks! (Throws the rock away) Okay, Master Yoda. I'm certainly ready to become a Jedi.
  • Shifu: Excellent...let's get started.

(This music plays during the montage)

Vince Dicola - Training Montage (Rocky IV)-0

Vince Dicola - Training Montage (Rocky IV)-0

Training Montage

  • Luke: "Ya know, that was REALLY weird to use a non-Star Wars song here."
  • Yoda: "Well we're in a parody, so those sort've things are excuseable. Remember the constent references we talked about."
  • Luke: Well, I do feel a bit stronger now.
  • Yoda: Oh, we're just getting started....
  • Luke: "...This is not gonna be quick and easy, is it?"
  • Yoda: "No, it is not."

Chapter 6- Space Slug

Meteor Crater

  • Leia: (Sits down reading a book, and notices something out the cockpit window, and when she takes a closer look, a large alien parasite that looks like Savio appeared and started sucking on the window) AAHH!!
  • Parasite (Savio): Aw, a squirrel, how adorable, I could just eat you up! (Sucking on the glass)
  • Leia: YIPE! (Runs off)
  • Parasite: "..... I hate it when I scare people like that."
  • The Trash Creature appeared.
  • Trash Creature: "SON!?"
  • Parasite: "DADDY!"
  • The Trash Creature and the Parasite hugged.
  • Trash Creature: "Now, let's go back home to that planet of the annoying Chewawa people.... If I take the correct turns at Albaquirky this time."
  • The two left.
  • Han: (She and Chewbacca were playing dejarik) HA-HAH! My Mantellian Savrip devours your K'lor'slug! (Chuckles) I bet you didn't see THAT coming.
  • Chewbacca: (Does Wookiee growl, then notices something, then moves a piece)
  • Chewbacca: Check and mate!
  • Han: WHAT?!? That's cheating!
  • Chewbacca: No it's not, silly! The rules clearly state that the Mantellian Savrip has an allergic reaction to K'lor'slugs that last two turns.
  • C3PO:'re actually winning for once, Chewbacca. We're once again lucky that we don't have to worry about her ripping someone's arms off.
  • Chewbacca: Did Han say that? No, I don't pull someone's arms off. I just give them a noogie!
  • Han: (Sighs) I HATE this game.
  • Leia: (Went to Han) There's something out there!
  • Han: Are you sure? What did it look like?
  • Leia: It looked ore like them algae-sucking creatures from Alderaan.
  • Han: Hmm...a sucking parasite...I think we should go outside and check things out.

Outside Falcon

  • Leia: (She, Chewbacca and Han came out with helmets like Sandy's on)...What's all this slime on the floor?
  • Chewbacca: EEEEWW!! It's all slimy! (More of the parasites flew right by as Han blasted at them, then a tremor was heard)...Wait a minute...(Blasts the floor as the tremor was heard again)...Ohhh...snap! I think we should get out of here.
  • Leia: Why?
  • Han: JUST GO! (They all enter the cockpit, start the Falcon and fly off as they see the toothy stalactite-like structures resembled a mouth)
  • Han: THIS IS NO CAVE!!
  • Leia: WHAT?!?
  • The Millennium Falcon gets out as a Space Slug (Tri-Corn) almost manages to snag the ship!
  • The Ship flies away.
  • Space Slug: "..... Well, I guess it's chinese again."
  • The Space Slug puts on a headset.
  • Voice: "Hello, you reached Mr. Ping's kung-pow palace. How can I be of service to you?"
  • Space Slug: "Yeah, give me 1 trillion Kung Pow Chicken, 1 quintillion rice balls, 1 sextillion gallons of sodas, and 2 billion fortune cookies. Oh, and a olmympic swimming pool of your finest soups. (Voice was speaking). It's for me and the millions of parasites I have living inside me. (Voice spoke again) OF COURSE I AM AS BIG AS AN ASTEROID, I'M A F****** SPACE SLUG!!...(Voice spoke again) I'll pay with the millions of years worth of lost treasure I keep inside my gut that my almost lunch didn't notice."
  • The Millennium Falcon came back.
  • Han's voice: YOU HAVE TREASURE INSIDE YOU?! I CAN TOTALLY USE THAT TO PAY BACK JABBA!! (A slap was heard) OW, SORRY!! (The Falcon flies off)
  • Space Slug:...And I need it delivered!

Chapter 7- The Elusion


  • Luke: (Jumps across the swamp with Yoda on his back)...Whew, alright, I did that 122nd jog across the swamp like you asked.
  • Yoda: Well, great. I sense that the Force is getting close to being at your command. It certainly came to you a LOT quicker with this method than what I originally planned. I was originally gonna give you the Karate Kid treatment, effective, but considering the chaos of the Empire, it wouldn't be fast enough to stop more worlds from being blown up.
  • Luke: "But I destroyed the Death Star."
  • Yoda: "What, you didn't actselly think the Empire won't attempt to make a new one, do you? A desistating super weapon with the power to perimentaly destroy all enemies is not something one let's stay destroyed. Espeically not a murderious empire ruled by one of the surviving members of the Sith and Vanguard by a cyborgconected dragoness."
  • Luke: "..... Well, barnicles. I figured a think like that would be impossable to rebuild."
  • Yoda: "Well, it does take like, a freakishly long time to make on, so there is plently of time to trash future productions."
  • Luke: Hmm...(Sees a small patch in the swamp)...What's in the cave?
  • Yoda: That place is strong with the Dark Side. It is the next phase of your training.
  • Luke: Well, I'm not afraid of whatever that hole in a wall has to offer. I can take whatever is inside down with my hands tied up around my body.
  • Yoda: Do not underestimate that area. It is quite formidable, even for me.
  • Luke:...Well...okay, I guess I'd better get started. (Goes into the cave)...(Wanders across the dark area, and then he sees Vynder, who activates her tail lightsaber and starts dueling with Luke, and then Luke ends up cutting her head off. Then the head falls to the ground, explodes, and reveals Luke's face)...Okay, how does THAT make any sense? That's a dragon! What, was she born with a face like mine, or something?
  • Face: Hey, I'm just an illusion, pal, don't push it!
  • Yoda: (Appears) Calm down, it's just an illusion.
  • Luke: Well, I guess this area wasn't so hard. What makes this place strong with the Dark Side anyway?
  • Yoda: "It's cursed by an anichent Sith lord to make illusions of either your worse fears, or to warn you of horrorable truths."
  • Luke: Why would a Sith Lord come here in the first place? This place is a dump.
  • Yoda: It was ancient times, so even I have no idea how it came into existence.
  • Luke: "Well I just defeated Vynder, so, I am OBVIOUSLY not afraid of her. So, was that almost pointless scene a warning of some shocking truth?"
  • Yoda: "Well, it's not just the curse. This cave is DANGERIOUSLY infested with Space Marajauna that can cause sever hallusinations even when your not smoking it. We need to get out of here before something worse happens."
  • Luke: "Pfft! Your serious? Space Marajuana? There's no such thing."
  • Yoda: Uh, yeah there is. I remember the first time I was introduced to it all too well. (As he explains, everything goes to dark) It was another one of Count Dooku's crazy schemes. He introduced a whole ton of it into our Temple, and the first one that was affected was Yareal Poof. Then Obi-Wan was the next one. Then--
  • Luke: (The ominous tone was interrupted) Okay, I gotta stop you right there, because I don't wanna know. Also...why do your ears look like penises?
  • Yoda: (Sighs) Let's just get out of here. (They exited the cave)

Star Destroyer

  • Vynder: (She appears in front of a long line of bounty hunters) Alright, you all. I'd like to thank you for joining me here for this very important task.
  • Boba Fett (Alex): Oh, sure. Jabba's paying me plenty to track down that gay symbolism of a pony. I can't wait to fry her with my disintegration ray!
  • Vynder: NO, YOU MORON!! We want her alive! NO disintegration!
  • Boba Fett: But it's fun!
  • Vynder: (Slaps his helmet as it spins around) THE EMPIRE DOESN'T HAVE TIME FOR FUN, YOU MORON!! When I say 'no disintegration', I MEAN 'NO DISINTEGRATION'!! Unless you don't want that extra money from us.
  • Boba Fett:...Well, as you wish, then.
  • Vynder: Excellent. Whoever gets the Millennium Falcon first gets a total of 500 million credits as a reward, and- (The bounty hunters were gone)...Typical bounty hunters.


  • Han: (The Millennium Falcon was seen eluding another Star Destroyer as they constantly fired at them) THEY'D BETTER NOT PUT ANOTHER DENT ON MY VEHICLE!!
  • Han: Oh, don't worry, we're about to jump to lightspeed. 1...2...3! (They activate it, but it malfunctions)
  • Chewbacca: Moiwah moiwah moiwah moiwaaaah!
  • Han: CRAP! Looks like the hyperdrive is having some trouble. Might require some fixing. C3PO, can you go check what's wrong?
  • C3PO: I already saw it, it needs a new fusion coil.
  • Han: Oh, goody! We have to repair it in the middle of a dogfight.
  • Chewbacca: How are we gonna get out of here?
  • Han:... Hmm... I have an idea. Chewie, turn the ship around.
  • Leia: Yer' gonna attack them?
  • Han: "YER GONNA ATTACK DEM?!?"... That's how you sound. "YER GONNA ATTACK DEM?!?" Imagine listening to that all day.
  • Leia: (Sighs) I HATE you!

Star Destroyer

  • Imperial #1: What the heck? Why are they going into attack position?
  • Imperial #2: HAH! They think they can take us out? Our jobs are getting cut out for us, those guys are idiots.
  • Imperial #1: JUST PUT THE SHIELDS UP!


  • Chewbacca: WHAT ARE YOU DOING, HAN?!?
  • Han: You'll see! (They fly past the crow's nest while dodging laser-fire)

Star Destroyer

  • Imperial #1:... Brace yourself, they might come around for another attack.
  • Imperial #3:... Uh... That's odd, the ship no longer appears on our scopes.
  • Imperial #2: WHAT?!? They can't have disappeared, no ship that small has a cloaking device.
  • Imperial #4: Sir, Lord Vynder demands an update on the pursuit of the Millennium Falcon.
  • Imperial #2: Oh, uh... Tell her... Tell her we blew it up.
  • Imperial #4:... Uh... She's not on hold, and she just heard you.
  • (Vynder): Yeah, I just heard you. (Imperial #2 gets choked to death)


  • Han: (The Falcon is laying on the back of the crow's nest of the Star Destroyer, and Han was in a relaxing position as this was happening)... Ahh, you gotta love it when artificial gravity makes you stay in place in the ship, even when upside down.
  • Leia: "..... I, am very surprised, that you managed to get away with this."
  • Chewbacca: "So, uh... How long do we stay here?"
  • C3PO: (Appears) Alright, I was able to make the repairs to the hyperdrive. Now, where do we go once we avoid these guys?
  • Han: Hmm...what about Lando?
  • Leia: The Lando System?
  • Han: Lando's not a system, it's a good friend of mine. She's a very good leader. We're going to be heading to Cloud City on Bespin.
  • C3PO: You mean that gas giant where they usually mine for it's tibanna gas?
  • Han: You know it. Alright, Chewie, get ready to release the landing stands, and we'll float away with their garbage...RELEASE! (They detach from the ship as trash is thrown into space)...
  • Leia: How did you even know they would release the garbage at this exact moment?
  • Han: I'm peeky, that's how! Now let's get the hell out of this place. (They blast off, and a familiar ship flies after them, and it's the Slave I, piloted by Boba Fett)
  • Boba: 500 million credits, here I come! (Chuckles)
  • A couch flew by.
  • Boba: "What the-"
  • Han's voice: "OH MY GAWSH IT'S THE COUCH?!"
  • The Millendium Falcon flies right back, zooms pass the Slave 1, causes the Slave 1 to spin around as Boba's screams are heard and crash into several Imperial Ships, causing exploudions!

Inside one of them.

  • The rest of the Bounty Hunters were preparing to leave.
  • Dangar: "I Dangar look forword to be a very defelupted character in this film."
  • Lizard Man: "You know it. I would so love to be more then just a pointless face in this movie."
  • Cone-Head Robot: "This unit indecates he would become the best fan character."
  • Bug-face robot: "Don't pussssssssssssssssh it, coney! It'sssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssshall be me to will become the faverite!?"
  • Cone-Head robot: "Ha-ha-ha! No one will even remeber a useless remodifived communications droid with a fly head. That's more sader then-"
  • The Slave 1 crashes into the bounty hunters and kills them!
  • Boba: "..... Aw, shit."
  • Vynder came in.
  • Vynder: "..... That, clever, bitch! She used your own incompidence and destroyed my fleet and these unlucky Bounty Hunters. It's ashame, too, they were REALLY looking forword to having a point in this movie. That means we can't risk convention. We need to be sneaky about it, but how?"
  • Boba: "Well, I secretly over-heard they were heading to Cloud City. Does that help?"
  • Vynder: "..... Yes.... (Laughs gently and evily).... It does."


  • The Millendium Falcon was trailing around the Couch.
  • Leia's voice: "How did that couch even survived the death star exploudion?"
  • Han's voice: "I'm telling ya babe... It's a GOOD, couch."


  • Yoda: (Luke is standing on his head as he levitated several objects)... Alright, the next phase of your training will be visions. They can allow you to see what's happening in places far, far away. You pull this trick off, and you'll be able to sense the presence of good and evil in anything. So...what do you see?
  • Luke:...Let's see...I see...I see giant hamburgers!...Uh...what're they...WHOA, WHOA, STAY BACK!! (Picks up a piano)
  • Yoda: WHOA, WHERE DID YOU GET THAT PIANO- (Luke smashes it on him) OOF!!
  • Luke: Oh, wait, it was just nothing, sorry.
  • Yoda: Oh, goody!
  • Luke:...I think I'm getting's my friends...OH, GOD, THEY'RE IN TROUBLE!! (Falls to the ground) I need to get to Bespin and do something! Yoda, do you think you can pull my X-Wing out of the swamp so I can get over there?
  • Yoda: No. You are not yet complete with your training. Besides, Vynder will be there, and you can't fight her just yet. Only an experienced Jedi can fight Vynder.
  • Luke: Well, why don't you go?
  • Yoda: Well, I said that I was banished here, didn't I? At least Obi-Wan was able to access ships, as for me, I haven't piloted ships in years, nor do I have any to pilot. Obi-Wan was left to fry in the two suns, while I have to deal with murky waters and vicious predators. (Uses the Force to crush a predatory snake that tried to strike at him with a rock)
  • Luke: Well, why would Obi-Wan join us on our quest to blow up the Death Star, then?
  • Yoda: Sometimes, we must venture out of banishment areas for a living. I assure you that it wasn't the first time Obi-Wan left the planet for something.
  • Luke: Well...can you at least get the X-Wing out of the water? I'll come back for more training soon.
  • Yoda:...Well, why didn't you just say so? (Removes the X-Wing from the water, and Luke gets his pilot clothes back on)
  • Luke: Well, Master Yoda...wish me luck. Come on, R2!
  • R2-D2: Well, it's about TIME! I think my circuitry is getting moldy from all the rainfall. (They blast off, and when they do, Shen's ghost appears)
  • Shen:...That boy was our last hope.
  • Yoda:...No...there is another.
  • Shen: I know, I have the Force too, you know.

Chapter 8- Cloud City


  • Han: (They fly past the heavenly-clouded areas)...Yeah, I'm trying to reach Lando Calrissian, do you have her? (Blasts streaked the ship) OH, COME ON, NOW EVEN SECURITY IS GETTING DENTS ON MY SHIP?!? WHY ARE THEY FIRING AT ME, ANYWAY?!?
  • Cloud Car Pilot #1 (Flash Sentry): (There are two cockpits in the car, one with two ponies inside, one looking like Derpy, and the other looking like Flash Sentry) Uh, you might need a little more practice in piloting these things.
  • Cloud Car Pilot #2 (Derpy): I have sight problems, okay? (The Cloud Cars escort the Falcon towards a flying city that had similar architecture to the Crystal Empire)...

Cloud City

  • The Falcon lands as Han and the gang came out.
  • Lobot (Spike): "Now introdusing, the princess president/baron administrator of Cloud City, Bespin, LANDO CALRISSIAN!?"
  • Music starts to play.
  • Han: ".... Oh no.... I thought she discontinued these stupid songs."
  • Cheery Happy little robots and Ugnaughts began singing this song.
Wonka's Welcome Song

Wonka's Welcome Song

  • Han: (Dubbed as Arnold Schwarzenegger and right before the song was about to finish) SHADDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!
  • ???: Sorry, Han! It appears Lobot forgot to dismantle this thing before you came. (Lando (Twilight) came in with the same clothes, flying down to them)
  • Chewbacca: I've known him since he didn't have that head gear on him. But even with it on, HE'S SO CUTE!!
  • C-3PO: Yes, as cute as a baby connected to a city's computer network can be.
  • Lando: Anyway, it is great for you to visit, Han. It's been quite a while since we last met.
  • Han: Great. Anyway, this is my new friend, Leia.
  • Leia: That's PRINCESS Leia to be exact!
  • Han: I don't see no crown on that furry little head of yours.
  • Han: Go ahead and try it, Princess!
  • Lando: Whoa, whoa, whoa, I don't think there should be any of THAT in this place. We take getting along here, VERY seriously.
  • Han: "Yeah, kinda a bad time to hold on to that philosify, cause the empire is being a serious dick to everyone."
  • Lando: "Well, don't worry. The Empire never bothers this place."
  • Han: "That could be because of that annoying song you keep playing to greet visitors."
  • Lando: "..... Yeah sure, let's go with that. Now, if you're here to hide from the Empire, we're happy to oblige. (Sees the couch). Why is there a couch attached to what was my father's ship?"
  • Leia: "(Annoyed) Don't ask."

Inside Cloud City

  • Han: (Sees the Ugnaughts that performed in the introduction)...Uh...are the Ugnaughts always like that?
  • Lando: Oh, definitely. It makes the place feel peaceful for the most part. Not only are they great miners for the city all for a good salary, but they are great for entertainment. Sometimes, they'll break out in song even when it's not needed. It's a common tradition to them on their home planet of Gentes.
  • Han: Well, I'll tell you, it's gonna get real annoying real fast.
  • Chewbacca: Oh, I enjoy Ugnaught songs.
  • C3PO: (Sees a pony looking like Rarity having a diamond-encrusted dress, and gasps) WHOA!! (Gets over there and snatches them)
  • C3PO: Don't worry, babe, I'll get you the money to get some new ones as soon as I spend these on the Thrift Shop over there!
  • Pony: You'd better give them back, you little creep!
  • C3PO: Or what?


  • Chewbacca: (Carried C3PO on her back as he was in pieces, and returns to Han and Leia)...Alright, I found C3PO. Apparently, he was trying to steal the jewels from a pony's dress.
  • Han: (Sighs) C3PO, must you ALWAYS be this grabby of things that look valuable to you?
  • ???: Hmm, seems like the droid got himself in a doozy of a pickle. (An Ugnaught appeared, and music started to play)
  • Han: You have got to be kidding me. (This song plays, though with changes in the lyrics)
Augustus Gloop

Augustus Gloop

  • Han: (Dubbed as Tourettes Guy right at a quarter of the song) SHUT UP!! (The Ugnaughts stop and abruptly leave muttering)
  • Chewbacca: Well, that wasn't very nice, Han.
  • Han: I know, it's just that bits like THAT are the last thing I wanna see when I'm here.
  • Lando: (Appears) Alright, everyone, are you ready for dinner?
  • Han: YEAH! As long as there are no Ugnaughts in there!
  • Leia: Han, please be a gentleman. Your friend is offering you dinner, and you just shout in her face?
  • Han: Sorry, I'm just under a lot of stress since that Cloud Car dented my ship. Let's go.


  • Lando: (The group follows her) Oh, our guest is a real generous person. She's offering to help keep the Empire out of this place forever.
  • Leia: Really? And how will she do that exactly?
  • Lando: You'll see. (They enter the dining room, and see Vynder waiting for them)
  • Vynder: Did you miss me?
  • Chewbacca: (Wookiee growls as Han used her hoof-fit blaster to blast at Vynder, but she blocks it with the Force, then levitates the blaster from her hoof as Boba Fett appeared)
  • Boba: Hello, Solo!
  • Han: BOBA?!? (Shocktroopers held the group at gunpoint)
  • could you?
  • Lando: I had no choice.
  • Vynder: Well, I promised THEY'D be safe from the Empire in exchange for her assistance. Take them away!
  • Han: LANDO, I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!! (They are dragged away)

Torture Room

  • Vynder: (As Han was being held in a torture device) Alright, Solo! Prepare for pain unlike any you have ever seen before.
  • Shocktrooper #1: Oh, you're not gonna tickle her like we did with Leia on the Death Star, are you?
  • Vynder: No! That's only the most basic of torture methods that a lot of people in the galaxy wouldn't waste time on. THIS is much worse!
  • Vynder: For every insult, you will scream a dozen times!
  • Han: Well, what the hell are you gonna do to me?
  • Vynder: Oh, just try to imagine a needle, with the thickness of a pony hair, slowly thrusted between your eyes. Start the torture! (The torture machine starts as Han's screams were heard from outside as Lando heard with a guilty expression)
  • Lando: (Quietly) What have I done?

Freezing Chamber

  • Vynder: (They go into a dark room) This freezing chamber should prove very useful for freezing Luke Skywalker for his trip to the Emperor. We shall test it on Captain Solo.
  • Han: (Sighs) Well, guys, it looks like I'll be gone for a while. Chewie, I want you to take care of the princess while I'm gone.
  • Vynder: Oh, I'm sure we can do all that for you. (The Ugnaughts escort Han to the platform ready to be frozen)
  • Leia:...(She sheds a small tear)...Han...I just want you to know much as I wished that Jabba would have his bounty hunters tear you apart limb-from-limb...I'd still consider you a friend.
  • Han:...I know...(He is lowered down into the chamber, and when he came out frozen in carbonite, the Ugnaughts sang another familiar song with changed lyrics)
Veruca Salt

Veruca Salt

  • Lando: (As the song ends) Uh, guys, I don't think that song was necessary.
  • Vynder: Oh, I'm sure it was.


  • Vynder: Now, Lando, we are still not done with our agreement. Leia and the Wookiee must remain in this city following our stay.
  • Lando: But...that wasn't part of our agreement, nor was giving Han to this bounty hunter.
  • Vynder: I have altered the deal! Pray I don't alter it any further! (The elevator closes)
  • Lando:...Wow, this deal is getting worse all the time. (Vynder appears again with a polka-dotted dress and a baby bonnet)
  • Vynder: And furthermore, I wish you to wear this funny dress and bonnet!
  • Lando: THAT wasn't a part of our agreement, either!
  • Vynder: I have altered the deal! Pray I don't alter it any further! (Elevator shuts again)
  • Lando:...Again, this deal's getting worse all the time.
  • Vynder: (Appears again with a sticker that looks like a cutie mark with words that say 'I am an egghead!') Here are two identical stickers! You will wear them over your cutie marks.
  • Vynder: I have altered the deal! Pray I don't alter it any further! (Elevator closes)
  • Vynder: (Comes out with clown shoes) Also, you are to wear these clown shoes and refer to yourself as 'Dopey'!
  • Vynder: I have altered the deal! Pray I don't alter it any further! (Leaves)
  • Lando: THIS very fair and I'm happy to be a part of it....(Picks up her props and sighs as the Shocktroopers laughed at her)


  • Leia and Chewbacca were being dragged by the Shocktroopers.
  • Lando: (Wearing the props that Vynder asked of her, does a few commands in a watch, signaling Lobot to do a few commands in the system. At that moment, the Shocktroopers are eventually held at gunpoint by ponies with hoof blasters) Nice work, everypony! (Takes off all the props) And thank God, because I thought I would be humiliated by all this junk.
  • Leia: gave up peace for your city for us?
  • Lando: That and I hated these clothes. And these stickers which...I can't remove. (Tries using her hooves to take the stickers off) DAMN THESE HOOVES!!
  • Leia: I'll get them. (Rips the stickers off)
  • Lando: (Her screams were heard across the city as the removal hurt)


  • Boba: Alright, let's get Captain Solo into a cargo hold. I'm sure Jabba would like her to be a good trophy this way. (He enters the Slave I as Han was put in the cargo hold, and the heroes tried blasting at the ship, but it is durable enough to get away)
  • Leia: Aw, no! They're taking her to Jabba's Palace!
  • Chewbacca: Huh... So Jabba WOULD love him in carbonite. I must be pretty stupid to have denied that.

Chapter 9- Luke's Mother


  • Luke: (He and R2 travel to Cloud City as they began travelling down the halls) YIKES! This place is just SPARKLY!!
  • R2-D2: Well, yeah, this is a pony colony after all. (Luke goes through a door, which shuts on R2) HEY!! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!? LET ME THROUGH!! LUKE, I'M OUT HERE... LUKE?!?... OH, BLOODY HELL!!

Freezing Chamber

  • Luke: ".... Wow.... Even futuristic stuff can be creepy." (Looks around)
  • Vynder: (Appear behind Luke) The Force is with you, young Skywalker... But you are not a Jedi yet.... You're getting there, though.
  • Luke: Darth Vynder! I was wondering when I'd see you. And I must say, your little illusion in torturing Han really did lure me here.
  • Vynder: OHH, you sensed THAT part, too? (Chuckles) That... That was also to tease him.
  • Luke: Yeah, sure. Let's just do this! (Takes out his lightsaber)
  • Ugnaught: Ohhh, we have a lightsaber fight, everyone! (The other Ugnaughts appeared, and they begin singing another song with changed lyrics as the two began to duel)
Mike Teavee

Mike Teavee

  • Luke: Uh... Why are they singing?
  • Vynder: They're Ugnaughts, it's in their nature. (They continue to duel across the chamber as the Ugnaughts continued singing)


  • R2-D2: (The song was interrupted when it cut, and R2 was seen screaming and running away from Shocktroopers, and he immediately bumped into Leia) OOF!!
  • Leia:... R2? You're here? Well... Where's Luke?
  • R2-D2: I have no clue. We were separated not too long after we landed. I can't find him anywhere now.
  • C3PO: Well, at least the Ugnaughts were generous enough to repair me so Chewbacca couldn't carry me around everywhere.
  • Shocktrooper: (They all pointed their guns at them) No more talking, and put your hands... Or hooves... In the air!
  • A Grox in disguise is seen.
  • The Shocktroopers charge after The Grox Spy.
  • R2-D2: "..... I didn't think that would work."
  • Lando: Well, it did! So let's get the buck out of here! (They run off)


  • Luke: (The song from before continues as the two continued fighting)...
  • Vynder: OH, SHUT UP! (Pushes them all away with the Force, and the traditional Star Wars music associated with this scene played as the two resumed fighting)...(Vynder notices a pipe, and uses the Force to pull it out of the wall, and while Luke dodges it, it breaks a window as Luke gets sucked out, and he cartoonishly falls down with a sign saying 'Help!')
  • Luke: (He is able to grab onto a ledge as he pants in relief) Oh...Dear Neptune...I would give my right hand for this day to just end!


  • Lando: (They continue running down the halls as they were seen by Ugnaughts)
  • Ugnaught: Oh, looks like they're in trou--
  • Lando: I don't think there's enough room for another song, guys. We're being invaded.
  • Ugnaughts: (Sadden) Ok.
  • Lando: (They approach a locked door) Aw, dammit, they changed the security code!
  • R2-D2: Allow me to fix that! (He puts his little wiring cord into the computer)...Alright, this won't take long...
  • Shocktrooper: THERE THEY ARE!! SHOOT THEM!! (The Shocktroopers began firing their blasters)
  • Leia: WILL YOU SHUT UP?!? WE ARE NOT GONNA DIE!! Lando, hand me your blaster!
  • Lando: Uh...but it's meant for a hoof only.
  • Leia: (Sighs) Very well. I hope these skills my Pa taught me will serve me well. HAI-YAH! (Karate kicks a Shocktrooper down and takes his blaster, and blasts the surrounding Shocktroopers down)...Whew! I'm keeping this so that we won't have to worry about this problem anymore.
  • Lando: Good thinking, Princess.
  • R2-D2: There, I got it open! (The door opens as more Shocktroopers come out, and they ran towards the Millennium Falcon, and R2 still had the cord out) Uh, why isn't it going back down, it looks like a f****** phallic symbol! (The group is able to get inside the Falcon and take off before they could be blasted)
  • Shocktrooper #1:...Aw, man, do we EVER hit anything with these guns?
  • Shocktrooper #2: I hit a bird once.


  • Vynder: (She and Luke continued to fight until Vynder kicked Luke down)...Join the Dark Side, Skywalker! Together, we can be the greatest force in the galaxy! Don't let yourself get destroyed as Obi-Wan did!
  • Luke: No way, you dumb bimbo, that stuff is addictive! (They continued fighting until Vynder cut off the hand holding the lightsaber) AAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!...(He suddenly regrows the hand) You do know I can grow back hands, right--(Vynder poked him in the eye) AAAAHHH!!!
  • Vynder: (As Luke climbed away) There is no escape! Don't make me destroy you! You're already beginning to learn, so it's better if you joined me, and together we can bring peace to this galaxy, making sure that nobody stands in our way!
  • Luke: I'LL NEVER join you! NEVAAAAAA!!!
  • Vynder: If you only knew the power of the Dark Side, Obi-Wan would have told you what happened to your mother?
  • Luke: He told me enough!...He told me you killed her!
  • Vynder: No!...I am your mother!
  • Luke:.... Uh, yeah, I'm pretty sure that's impossable. Your a dragon, and I'm a Sponge.
  • Vynder: Search your feelings, you know it to be true!
  • Luke: "Logically, I know it's kinda false here. I'm sorry if I'm ruining what is suppose to be an uberly drumatic moment, but, I just think it's really biologicaly impossable."
  • Vynder: Ok, I'm ignoring that for the sake of staying in character. Join me, and we can both defeat the Emperor! He has forseen this all. You have the power to defeat him! We can rule the galaxy as mother and son!
  • Luke: Well... if you are my mother... I have a question. How would you give birth to a sponge?
  • Vynder: Not all families are identical! Some children are adopted... Just as you were! You see, the Prince of Naboo was sexually sterial, so we adopted a sponge and a squirl. I mean really, it's how we're gonna justify you not already in the darkside since I'm the female of this relationship and the fact that Obi-wan neutered me. Honestly, that is an automatic abortion if I was pregnet with you.
  • Luke:...Well, I guess that makes sense.
  • Vynder: So, what do you say?
  • Luke:...Nope! (Lets go as he falls down into the chasm)
  • Vynder uses the forces to bring him back up.
  • Vynder: ".... You know I had the force, right? And If you were to try to jump again, I'll just as easily fly up and snag you. I mean honestly, why didn't the Original Vader think to do just use the force to grab the Original Luke? Nothing against Lucas, but that's very dumb writing right there. I mean, I know the Vader from How it Should Have Ended thought of this, but that was only a parody."
  • Luke: Yeah? Well you know what the original Luke couldn't do? THIS! (Uses his stretching arms to hit Vynder in the crotch and started falling again)
  • Luke: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! (He falls down the chute, and he ends up dangling from the bottom of Cloud City. He tries climbing back up, but fails. He looks down to see the gas giant sky below)...WHOA, that's a long drop. Maybe I should've stayed up there...Whew, how am I gonna get out of THIS?!?...Hmm...(Uses the Force)...Leia!...Leia!...Leia!


  • Leia: (As she was driving the Falcon) You know, this is actually not the first time I piloted a ship. Sure as a princess, ya' have to be escorted, but I actually rode my first ship when I was 16. Sure that's a long time, but it was worth the excitement. I...(Feels Luke's call)...Luke!...OH, NO!! WE NEED TO TURN THIS BABY AROUND!! (They turn the Falcon around)
  • Leia: I know where Luke is! He's dangling from the bottom of Cloud City!
  • Chewbacca: Well, that doesn't sound very good. Besides, how do you know? (Gasps) YOU TWO ARE PSYCHIC?!?
  • Leia: NO! I think he has the Force thing down this time!
  • C3PO: There he is! (They retrieve Luke and blast off, avoiding the TIE fighters' attacking)
  • Lando: (On radio) Lobot? Can you hear me on the radio transmissions?
  • (Lobot): Oh, whew! I couldn't find you for a second!
  • Lando: I think you'll have to be in charge of things while I'm gone. It feels like it'll be a while.
  • (Lobot): But...but I'm just a baby!
  • Lando: Well, you can control a computer network, so that has to count for something. I know you'll make me proud.
  • (Lobot):...Okay...just promise me you'll be back!
  • Lando: I promise! (They blast off into space, and then approach another Star Destroyer)
  • Vynder: (On the Star Destroyer)...Activate the tractor beam!
  • Lando: Alright, Chewie, punch it! (The Falcon enters hyperspeed)
  • Vynder:...OH, MY GOD!! WHO WAS IN CHARGE OF THE TRACTOR BEAM, oh, let me guess...
  • Imperial: (He has weird eyes) Yep, I'm an Asshole, mam!
  • Vynder: (Sighs) The Emperor refrains me from strangling people like him. (To Audience) Because you should never hurt mentally disabled people kids.
The more you know

The more you know

Chapter 10- Rescuing Han


  • Lando: (The Falcon is seen attached to a larger ship, and Lando appears wearing Han's clothes) You know, this actually is stylish, don't you think?
  • Chewbacca: Oh, it does! Much better than that UGLY dress Vynder forced you to wear.
  • Lando: Yeah, and I'm just glad that I won't have to do it again.
  • (Luke): (On radio) Lando?
  • Lando: Oh, of course. Yes, we'll follow that bounty hunter eventually, and we'll get Han back.
  • Chewbacca: Yeah, we Chewie Promise!
  • Lando:...You know, that makes it sound weird.

Inside Other Ship

  • Luke: Well, good luck, guys, and may the Force be with you. (Hangs up) Whew, I'm just glad I don't need a replacement hand.
  • Leia:...(Sighs, and Luke comforts her as they look out at the nice view of a swirling star)
  • R2-D2:...DAMN, look at that view! I have GOT to get a place with a view like this.
  • Luke: Yeah, but you'd have to live in a space station. And those things usually cost about 500 million credits. Practically a bounty hunter's worth of money.


  • Boba: (Has a space station with a similar view) YAAAAAAAAAY!!! I LOVE MY JOB!! WOOHOO!!!


  • Luke: (The camera eases off of them after the Falcon flies off)...Uh, Leia? After this, can we talk about...uh...something concerning what Vynder had said to me during our battle?
  • Leia: Don't count on it. (The ship goes off)



  • Scootaloo: The end!
  • Sweetie Belle: "Well that kinda wasn't a very happy ending. The Bad Guys' kinda won."
  • Applebloom: Yeah, I mean what movie has a bad ending, anyway?
  • Scootaloo: Titanic had a bad ending.
  • Discord: Well, that was really a great story. (The power comes back on)
  • Everyone: HEEEEYYY!
  • Applejack: Well, that was really some story, Scoo.
  • Scootaloo: I know.
  • Discord: Not exactly what I was expecting from Star Wars. Does that problem ever get resolved?
  • Scootaloo: Of course it does. It does in the next episode.
  • Discord: Well, can you tell us THAT story?
  • Twilight: Nope. It's time we got some shut-eye. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow.
  • Rarity: Well, I hope so. I heard yesterday that...(Shrugs) SHE was coming to Ponyville!
  • Rainbow Dash: She who?
  • Rarity: SURI POLOMARE!! She's coming to unveil some 'new designs' to Photo Finish. I just hope her visit is quick because I would give up attending that meeting for all the jewels in Equestria!
  • Sweetie Belle: What did this girl do? Isn't she, like, a great pony?
  • Rarity: I certainly thought so...until SHE STOLE MY MONTHS-WORK OF GLORIOUS FABRICS AND TRIED TO TRICK THE CONTEST INTO THINKING THAT I WAS THE THIEF!!! Thanks to Coco's bravery, the witch was exposed.
  • Scootaloo: Oh... Well, in light of what Coco did, surely she wouldn't do so again in tomorrow's meeting, would she?
  • Rarity: I sure hope not.

Rarity's Boutique, The Next Day...

  • Rarity: (Camera on the Boutique) WHAT THE F**** ******** **** ******* **** ******* *** ***** **************** *** ******** *** IS THIS?!? (The words echoed)

The End?

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